Getting off the Critical Bus

I have been sitting at the back of the bus, watching everyone as they get on.

For years I have known that I am critical of others. I judge. I don't even mean to. What can I say; we are sponges and learn from our most frequent influences...whether we like it or not. I listened to and learned that judging and criticizing is ok for the majority of my life. This was not the lesson that was intended to be shared and I am not sure if the person who taught me that even realizes that this is where I learned it. They probably don't even know it's a potential area for development for them as well.

Thank God I have taken the time to really examine this piece of who I am. It bothers me. I know I am doing it but it is so natural I do it and then feel badly. Time to make change in this area. I boiled it down to its source. The downfall to that is that the source of my learning in this area continues to emanate this which makes it more difficult to be around.

I have been told I am judgemental, I am critical, I gossip. I wanted to really understand this piece of who I am so I have been playing close attention for the last little while. I finally reached the middle of the bus and I am willing to truly examine this. Thanks to my continued learning around person centered approaches I found a way to examine this "negative characteristic" in a positive way. I'm not beating myself up, I'm self aware and willing to develop or change. Here is what I have learned. (This is a great way to look at any potential negatives)

Critical/judgemental

1. Is it ever a positive? Yes, in my case it could also be called responsible or inquisitive.

2. Does it reflect something that is Important to me? Yes, I love to understand human behaviour and I want to learn more and more and more about it all the time. Sometimes (most of the time) when it appears I am being critical I am simply asking questions so I can get a better understanding of how people think, how they work, how the brain works, how something illogical to some can be logical to others.....I really, really want to know. I am fully aware and respect that we all have a right to our own choices - good or bad - and I don't think people should change their mind to reflect my opinion....I just want to know how the brain works and how our past experiences influence our choices. Understanding human behavior is important to me.

3. When it really is a negative, how can people support me with it? Well there are times that I just simply sit around and complain about someone or judge their choices. When it goes beyond honest exploration for my understanding it is just plain judging. I am more than open to people pointing that out to me. Call me on it. I want to know, I want to be reminded because, as I said, this is ingrained deeply and not easy to stop.

So today, I am at the front of the bus. I might be standing on the top step even. I will never get off. I don't want to get off. Getting off would mean that I am somehow perfect in this area and I will never again be critical of another person. No such luck. Like I said, I'm not going to beat myself up. I am human. Humans have flaws. I hope to get to the bottom step but even that might be a stretch.

Through this process I have again learned how important it is to keep an open mind and heart. Always be willing to examine your character and make adjustments where needed. If you ever think you can't learn any more or you have reached a level of personal or professional development that you can feel superior to others.......you are dangerous and destructive to those around you. No human will ever reach the point of not needing to learn, grow or develop.

God created us all equally but uniquely. We don't even have the right to judge those who commit heinous crimes. We know it is wrong, that's fact. We don't know what drives them to make the choices they make and therefore have no right to judge. Our creation as it is; to me; is a test of character. The goal is to strive to be our best through learning, growing, developing and accept that we will never be perfect or more worthy than another. We are expected to make decisions based on fact not feeling, we are expected to accept everyone in this world as they are without mistreatment, we were created equally but uniquely to test who would meet those expectations.