Being mom!

Something I have always taken for granted MY MOM! I assume that she will always just be here as she always has been. When I call she answers, when I ask for something from her she always provides it. Being my mom (and my siblings mom of course) has been her job for over 40 years and I have never really, fully and truly appreciated her presence, just depended on it.

This week was the first time I have ever seen her dependent on us. She had an emergency appendectomy on Friday night.

I called her on Friday assuming she would answer the phone and my dad told me she had gone to emergency with abdominal pain. My sister had taken her in so I talked to my sister and went in that evening to let her go home for a while.

As I sat with mom for 6 hours in a small room we had conversation but most of the time she was in and out of sleep.

I just sat in her room, she kept telling me to go home and I refused. I just sat in that chair and wondered what would happen next. The doctor came in and told us she needed surgery to remove her appendix and it would be happening that night. So I waited. It was a number of hours before the surgery would happen.

As she drifted in and out of sleep I had a lot of quiet time to think about who she really is. I watched her sleep and looked at her body as she lie on the stretcher.

I thought "My life began in that body", "she was a young mom just like me one day with high hopes of raising a wonderful family", "her feet, hands, arms, face have aged; not much, but they have", "she wears glasses now, she never used to", "as a woman she lived through all the stages that I have lived and have yet to live", "she's never the sick one, she is always taking care of us", "WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT HER?"

These were mostly peaceful yet sometimes scary moments, hours. She finally went into surgery about  7 hours after I got there. My dad, sister, daughter and nephew were all there also by this time. I kissed her before they wheeled her away; and thought "I never kiss her and very rarely say I love you". She said she would see me in the morning, assuming that I would be gone home before she got out. I planned on taking her advice, tried to leave the hospital but it was after hours and I couldn't find my way out. I took it as an omen that I should stay.

I was at the surgery doors when she was wheeled out to her room; we all were. We talked to the surgeon and went home to rest.

I didn't get much rest. I knew she was fine and would be home soon but my mind wouldn't leave the thought "WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT HER?"

I cherish the moments I had with her that evening. When I visited her the next day she mentioned that she was happy we all stayed until the surgery was over. Telling me to go home was another of her attempts to take care of me, not her; she really wanted us to stay. I guess it was an omen; I was there for her for once.

I guess those days will come more and more as time marches on. I am thankful that I had this opportunity to watch her sleep and think about how amazing being mom is. I see her more as human now, a woman who has needs the same as I do and I intend to treat her that way. I hope I can give her as much as she has given me.

Change so I can be happy?

A new concept for you; or at least it is to me:

"Your happiness upsets me"

Have you ever been upset about someone else's happiness? I have had someone tell me that my happiness is disturbing for others around me in the past. I actually made changes in my life and really annoyed others trying to address it.

Since this happened; some time ago; I have paid more attention to other peoples actions and words toward people in their lives or behind their backs (which is more often the case).

If someone is happy, is it not right to be happy for them? I would call it envy but I am not sure that is an accurate description. Don't get me wrong, we all have our envious or insecure moments but the concept of being envious of someone else's life is strange to me. Especially to a point that you allow it to upset you enough to confront the person about it or gossip about them.

Everyone is in control of their own lives. You get to make yours whatever you want. If you want yours to be different do something to change it. You only have control over you. If you want more, GO GET IT! Easier said than done right? I agree, not easy but it is the only way!

So in my situation it boiled down to others expectations of my husband and I that we were not meeting that was upsetting for them. Through all my preaching and practicing "Trade expectation for appreciation" it didn't hit me until this week that I have been trying for years to remain happy in my life and still meet others expectations of me. Not only that; I have been encouraging my husband to change to meet others expectations as well. LIGHT BULB!

Trying to meet others expectations is stressful and not my job. Trying to meet others expectations is not your job either. Having expectations of others leads to disappointment in most, if not all cases.

So today, and every day hereafter, I will live they way I choose and remain happy with my choices. I will not change who I am or how I live to make others happy. I will not ask my husband to change.

I will leave others to control their own lives and if they choose to spend time having expectations of me and being disappointed by my lack of meeting them, it really isn't my issue. It's theirs. I encourage them to reevaluate their own choices.

Life cannot be lived expecting anything from anyone. No human has entitlement to anything other than what they earn themselves (not just monetarily but relationships as well). If you choose to live this way, are you really living a life?

Expectations range from very small to very large. From the size of christmas gifts to parents wills. I have learned to expect nothing of anyone because it always leads to disappointment. I appreciate all of what I receive in relationships with every person in my life.

If I have said it once I have said it a million times. Trade expectation for appreciation......you will find much more happiness in your own life and spend much less time being upset at others.

How SPECIAL are you?

"I live in a home for special people."

If you were to hear or read a statement like that what would you think?

In my mind it must be an awesome place. Only special people live there? What makes them so special? They must have done something extraordinary in life? Moviestars? Presidents? Einstein? I picture it almost like Hugh Heffner's mansion....pools, servants, heat all year round, no cleaning, no cooking, no shopping, just pure enjoyment 24/7! Lots of California red wine!

I posed this question to my kids tonight and sadly the answer was "Mom, the homes for "special people" (and yes they used body language to show me quotation marks) are for people with disabilities." But by the grace of God, before I could question their perception of this ( and i was ready to jump all over it) they also piped up to say "I don't know what makes them so special, they are just the same as us, we are all equal!"

Yup, tears to my eyes and music to my heart. If there is one thing I have done right as a parent it is to teach my children to respect and treat every human with equality regardless of appearances, abilities or anything else that can set a human aside as a minority or "special".

Now, please don't get me wrong. I don't get angry with people who have this perception, after all we were taught it in my generation so generations before mine have a totally different perception.

Let's all get on the same band wagon please, some day! Time's, they are a changin'! Nobody is special! Everybody is special! We are all the same! For Heaven's sake let's treat each other that way!

Treating others as less than yourself is the greatest disservice you can offer the world!

I am one proud mom knowing my kids will be a part of the change, they are special!