Found and lost

I was born into a family of two parents and two older brothers.

I had no idea what I had found. My sister came along to add to our blessings. Over the years there were many ups and downs.

The bond we built between the 6 of us was unbreakable.

I lost a cousin. I hurt.

I lost aunts and uncles. I hurt.

I lost amazing grandparents. I hurt.

I lost my oldest brother. My world was shattered.

I have been blessed by not having lost my parents or my children....God willing I will outlive my children but reality is I will experience the loss of my parents. That pain will be it's own.

All year I think about the great memories. This time of year I think about those last month's,  days, minutes.

I wonder what he was thinking, what he wanted me to do. I try hard to reassure myself that I did right by him.

I will never know.

This pain will never leave. It is the worst pain I have ever felt.

I miss him and want nothing more than one more day, one more moment, one more smile, one more beer, one more phone call, one more campfire, one more Hollywood howl!

Johnny I miss you! I love you and my heart will never be as full as it was when you were here.

We found each other by luck, through biology and we lost each other by death but only until we meet again. ♡