In my usual shopping fashion today rushing my way through Walmart getting the last minute needs for the shoebox project I almost, ALMOST ran into about 18 people. The place was crazy busy being the season and all. And then it happened. I DID run into someone, ran my shopping cart right into her side. It was someone I knew, I apologized, we laughed, we chatted for a few minutes. We shared some of the new things happening in our lives and we decided we would get together after the holidays for a tea. Apology accepted, good giggle, good conversation and a date made. On with my rush.
And then IT happened. A couple walking within feet of myself and my friend commentated our entire meeting and it went like this:
Person #1 - "Did you see that chick? She just ran into that Re&^$#@# girl."
Person #2 - "What?"
Person #1 - "You know the girl that rides the short bus?" That chick ran into her and then actually stuck around to talk.
Now first I must say I hope my friend did not hear any of this and if she did I apologize for not advocating for us both by sharing my thoughts with this couple. Secondly I must tell you that I don't think she heard it because she is much bolder than me and would have confronted them.
There is just so much that is not right about this whole situation.
Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with the "R" word used in its proper context, however it has been used for so many years to refer to human beings that it makes me quiver. The definition of the word refers to inanimate objects, NOT HUMAN BEINGS! PERIOD! The word, today, was used to refer to a human being.
What does it mean to ride the short bus? For many years children of all shapes, sizes and colors have ridden small buses or vans to school. How did people with intellectual or physical disabilities become "short bus riders"?
Yes my friend uses a wheelchair. And as I said I ran right into the side of her. Was I ignorant? Yes, because I was rushing and not paying attention. It was ignorant to run into anyone, the wheelchair had nothing to do with it. I don't feel any worse for running into her than I would anyone else, in fact I am glad it was her and not a stranger who would have growled at me. At least we had a fun conversation to follow our crash!
So at least one of these people assumed that my friend was the "R" word because she uses a wheelchair and probably because when she speaks its takes more time to listen to understand what she is saying. Let me tell you what she was saying. She was telling me that she has just been invited by a provincial organization to be an advocate for the Parry Sound area for people with disabilities. This is an honour. She is a good advocate. She will do a good job. When the first person spoke of my friend like this the second person listened and laughed and tisked at me. They agreed with eachother and thought that my friend and I were the people who were involved in the most mortifying situation. They didnt even realize that they made themselves look way more ignorant than I.
I had to check my calendar. It is 2013. Yes, yes it is. In 2013 we have come far beyond referring to people as the ``R`` word or ``short bus riders``. So if I were to refer to any human using the ``R`` word these days it would be those that are a bit SLOW at realizing that this is unacceptable, ignorant and downright degrading not to mention we just don`t do it. PERIOD out of RESPECT for human beings. That is the definition of the word, afterall, SLOW or some variation of that.
But I digress because I realize that some people are not exposed to the progression of society in the area of disability so I am forgiving and understanding. I remind myself of this everytime something erks me like this.
So my challenge to myself and anyone who reads this. Next time you hear someone speaking in a derogatory way about another human being, educate them. No need to be rude or angry just give them a little bit of education about todays way of doing things. It may not always be recieved well but at least you tried. The goal is to share our knowledge, repsect eachother and advocate where needed.
The old saying, ``You can lead a horse to water, but you can`t make him drink``. Well, I agree but if you never take the horse to the water they never see the opportunity to quench their thirst, whether they choose to use it or not is not our problem. Lead the horses to water.
Thursday, 19 December 2013
Tuesday, 17 December 2013
Choose a meaningful life!
Spencer West http://nsb.com/speakers/spencer-west/ has inspired my blog today. I saw a documentary about him on televison this past weekend and I was truly inspired. He is a living testimony of all the things I believe to be true but we dont often see in our society.
Spencer lost his legs at age 5. His legs did not function due to a medical condition he had at birth. He and his parents CHOSE to have his legs removed as they were just in the way of him living a full life. What an amazing statement. Doctors told his parents he probably would not live past the age of 12 and not to expect to much from him in those years. Well, he lived far past those expectations and then some. He walks on his hands and he uses a wheelchair. He has a university degree, speaks to groups of people about his life and inspires them to work hard to achieve what they want, travels the world, works full time and has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro ON HIS HANDS! So how did he come to achieve all of this? Luck? Pity? Handouts? None of the above. His brain was trained by his parents to be positive, to believe in all possibilities, to look past the "disadvantage" he has and build a life of his choosing. Legs are not necessary to sustain life.
If there is one message that I wish the whole world could fully understand and hear it is that WHAT WE TELL OUR BRAINS IS WHAT IT BELIEVES AND REPEATS! At the risk of repeating myself I will say that we are all born knowing very basic skills, everything that we hear, see and experience from that moment molds our brain. We may think our kids are too young to understand but the truth is that from the very moment of birth everything we do and say shapes them. Spencer's parents shaped him to be a believer. He continues to be a believer. If they had listened to the doctors and been negative about his prognosis he may have grown to be a very different person.
Take winter as an example. Winter is my least favorite season. I love heat and sun, flipflops and beaches. I love autumn colors and fresh air, I enjoy the refreshing days of spring, winter has mostly been a season that I struggle with. That is until I told my brain differently. Many years ago I would get up on a winter morning and grumble at fresh snow, see it as work, despise the slush as I drove in it. I spent my winters looking out the window wishing for the snow to melt. I dreaded the snow coming starting in about September and hated it until May. What a waste of life.These thoughts dragged my winters on and contributed to my depression. I made my own winters miserable. Since I know misery is optional I decided to change how I talk to myself about winter. I wake up and look at my backyard which is the most beautiful winter scene, I take time to adore the beauty of it. When I drive I make a point of looking above the slush and ice to see the glistening trees and beautiful blankets of fields that lie before me. I dress for the weather and shockingly I am warm. I have decided to like winter, not love it, I like it. I still look forward to spring but since winter is here and I am not mother nature I choose to make my winters happy and find beauty and fun in each day.....and I go to Cuba for my shot of sun!
When we say we can't do something we believe it and we don't do things that we certainly could do. When Spencer was asked in the documentary if he ever wished he had legs or felt like he couldnt accomplish something he said NO until he almost got to the top of the mountain and then he felt like he might need to stop his journey because it could threaten his life and he wished he had legs so he could help his friends get to the top. The only reason he would give up is if it was going to kill him. This speaks volumes. There is always another step to take to reach our goals and if it wont kill us keep trying if we want it bad enough. Spencer kept going with the knowledge that he could stop if it became life threatening, it did not and he reached the top. NEVER SAY NEVER!
I see families that are involved in disputes and they all say they are open to resolving but the other person needs to intiate it. They are choosing to remain in conflict. The emotion attached to family disputes fogs our view of logic. We are hurt, we tell ourselves we are hurt, we tell other people we are hurt, therefore we believe we are hurt and choose not to get past it. In a perfect world each person would stop, remove the emotion, remove the ego, look at the situation logically and communicate about how to work through it. In my opinion God gave us the family we have for a reason and conflict is a test of our character. Tell ourselves that it can be worked out, tell ourselves that it is ok for our family members to choose their lifestyle and we don't have any control over that. Choose to look logically at their point of view and respect it. We can choose when we spend time with family, maybe its only once a year. Maybe its every day. The point is we get to choose, nobody is controlling our thoughts but ourselves and in turn we can choose anything we want.
We are the only people responsible for our thoughts! Think positive, life is positive. No I did not say it's easy. Our brains have been trained negatively for many years, it takes time and energy. The most important things in life are the most difficult to achieve.
People have called me wierd, over the top, unrealistic. Those people are only convincing themselves that being positive is weird, over the top or unrealistic. I wake up every day with a glowing sense of joy in my heart. I live each day happily. It doesn't make life all fairytale like, it makes life meaningful.
I can just imagine the responses Spencer got from people when he said he would climb a mountain on his hands. Imagine the people who probably wished him luck and then whispered that its impossible behind his back; called him wierd, over the top, unrealistic. A quality life is all in how we choose to live it.
Every human being is capable of taking steps to achieve whatever they want in their life.....unless it threatens your life keep trying. Keep talking positively to your own brain, work really hard at not allowing negative energy or thoughts from other people to deter you.
Dreams dont come to you, you have to go get them. Dreams dont have to be big, they can be whatever you want them to be. Dreams dont have to make you famous, they just have to make your life meaningful.
We have to tell ourselves that we can achieve it and we will. We have to live each day looking at the beauty of life through the struggles we all face. We have to choose to make each day happy.
Society has been so well trained to be negative that they see positivity as unrealistic. I once told a journalist that if all media were to only speak positively about winter it would be interesting to see the impact that has on peoples moods and the incidence of some mental health conditions. The journalist laughed at me and said, sure then we can play some silly music and dance like hippies. His brain is trained to be negative about winter. I truly believe if the only messages our brains recieved about winter were positive we would see a huge change in society. Media is a huge part of our day, sending us negative messages.
Spencer also says he is most often embarrased by people calling him a hero or saying they are proud of him because this is just normal to him, its nothing extraordinary, he is living his life to fullest with what he was given.....isnt that the way we are all supposed to live, what is extraordinary about that? He is right, he is not amazing, he is human. The only reason we see him as amazing is because we have trained our brains to believe that some things are not possible so people like Spencer are an exception to the rule. We are all amazing. We can all achieve whatever we want, we choose not to.
The words CANT, ALWAYS, SHOULD and NEVER limit us. Remove them from your vocabulary and life will change. We all have struggles, we all have to work hard, we all have to make choices.
To me it seems to clear and logical and I wish that everyone could see it as clearly. It doesnt make my life perfect or take away hard times, it just makes it easier and more meaningful. Why would we choose to live any other way? Sadly positive people are the minority. Spencer is living proof that a positive attitude is a natural way to live. Hopefully someday people like him become the majority.
Spencer lost his legs at age 5. His legs did not function due to a medical condition he had at birth. He and his parents CHOSE to have his legs removed as they were just in the way of him living a full life. What an amazing statement. Doctors told his parents he probably would not live past the age of 12 and not to expect to much from him in those years. Well, he lived far past those expectations and then some. He walks on his hands and he uses a wheelchair. He has a university degree, speaks to groups of people about his life and inspires them to work hard to achieve what they want, travels the world, works full time and has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro ON HIS HANDS! So how did he come to achieve all of this? Luck? Pity? Handouts? None of the above. His brain was trained by his parents to be positive, to believe in all possibilities, to look past the "disadvantage" he has and build a life of his choosing. Legs are not necessary to sustain life.
If there is one message that I wish the whole world could fully understand and hear it is that WHAT WE TELL OUR BRAINS IS WHAT IT BELIEVES AND REPEATS! At the risk of repeating myself I will say that we are all born knowing very basic skills, everything that we hear, see and experience from that moment molds our brain. We may think our kids are too young to understand but the truth is that from the very moment of birth everything we do and say shapes them. Spencer's parents shaped him to be a believer. He continues to be a believer. If they had listened to the doctors and been negative about his prognosis he may have grown to be a very different person.
Take winter as an example. Winter is my least favorite season. I love heat and sun, flipflops and beaches. I love autumn colors and fresh air, I enjoy the refreshing days of spring, winter has mostly been a season that I struggle with. That is until I told my brain differently. Many years ago I would get up on a winter morning and grumble at fresh snow, see it as work, despise the slush as I drove in it. I spent my winters looking out the window wishing for the snow to melt. I dreaded the snow coming starting in about September and hated it until May. What a waste of life.These thoughts dragged my winters on and contributed to my depression. I made my own winters miserable. Since I know misery is optional I decided to change how I talk to myself about winter. I wake up and look at my backyard which is the most beautiful winter scene, I take time to adore the beauty of it. When I drive I make a point of looking above the slush and ice to see the glistening trees and beautiful blankets of fields that lie before me. I dress for the weather and shockingly I am warm. I have decided to like winter, not love it, I like it. I still look forward to spring but since winter is here and I am not mother nature I choose to make my winters happy and find beauty and fun in each day.....and I go to Cuba for my shot of sun!
When we say we can't do something we believe it and we don't do things that we certainly could do. When Spencer was asked in the documentary if he ever wished he had legs or felt like he couldnt accomplish something he said NO until he almost got to the top of the mountain and then he felt like he might need to stop his journey because it could threaten his life and he wished he had legs so he could help his friends get to the top. The only reason he would give up is if it was going to kill him. This speaks volumes. There is always another step to take to reach our goals and if it wont kill us keep trying if we want it bad enough. Spencer kept going with the knowledge that he could stop if it became life threatening, it did not and he reached the top. NEVER SAY NEVER!
I see families that are involved in disputes and they all say they are open to resolving but the other person needs to intiate it. They are choosing to remain in conflict. The emotion attached to family disputes fogs our view of logic. We are hurt, we tell ourselves we are hurt, we tell other people we are hurt, therefore we believe we are hurt and choose not to get past it. In a perfect world each person would stop, remove the emotion, remove the ego, look at the situation logically and communicate about how to work through it. In my opinion God gave us the family we have for a reason and conflict is a test of our character. Tell ourselves that it can be worked out, tell ourselves that it is ok for our family members to choose their lifestyle and we don't have any control over that. Choose to look logically at their point of view and respect it. We can choose when we spend time with family, maybe its only once a year. Maybe its every day. The point is we get to choose, nobody is controlling our thoughts but ourselves and in turn we can choose anything we want.
We are the only people responsible for our thoughts! Think positive, life is positive. No I did not say it's easy. Our brains have been trained negatively for many years, it takes time and energy. The most important things in life are the most difficult to achieve.
People have called me wierd, over the top, unrealistic. Those people are only convincing themselves that being positive is weird, over the top or unrealistic. I wake up every day with a glowing sense of joy in my heart. I live each day happily. It doesn't make life all fairytale like, it makes life meaningful.
I can just imagine the responses Spencer got from people when he said he would climb a mountain on his hands. Imagine the people who probably wished him luck and then whispered that its impossible behind his back; called him wierd, over the top, unrealistic. A quality life is all in how we choose to live it.
Every human being is capable of taking steps to achieve whatever they want in their life.....unless it threatens your life keep trying. Keep talking positively to your own brain, work really hard at not allowing negative energy or thoughts from other people to deter you.
Dreams dont come to you, you have to go get them. Dreams dont have to be big, they can be whatever you want them to be. Dreams dont have to make you famous, they just have to make your life meaningful.
We have to tell ourselves that we can achieve it and we will. We have to live each day looking at the beauty of life through the struggles we all face. We have to choose to make each day happy.
Society has been so well trained to be negative that they see positivity as unrealistic. I once told a journalist that if all media were to only speak positively about winter it would be interesting to see the impact that has on peoples moods and the incidence of some mental health conditions. The journalist laughed at me and said, sure then we can play some silly music and dance like hippies. His brain is trained to be negative about winter. I truly believe if the only messages our brains recieved about winter were positive we would see a huge change in society. Media is a huge part of our day, sending us negative messages.
Spencer also says he is most often embarrased by people calling him a hero or saying they are proud of him because this is just normal to him, its nothing extraordinary, he is living his life to fullest with what he was given.....isnt that the way we are all supposed to live, what is extraordinary about that? He is right, he is not amazing, he is human. The only reason we see him as amazing is because we have trained our brains to believe that some things are not possible so people like Spencer are an exception to the rule. We are all amazing. We can all achieve whatever we want, we choose not to.
The words CANT, ALWAYS, SHOULD and NEVER limit us. Remove them from your vocabulary and life will change. We all have struggles, we all have to work hard, we all have to make choices.
To me it seems to clear and logical and I wish that everyone could see it as clearly. It doesnt make my life perfect or take away hard times, it just makes it easier and more meaningful. Why would we choose to live any other way? Sadly positive people are the minority. Spencer is living proof that a positive attitude is a natural way to live. Hopefully someday people like him become the majority.
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Giving without expectation
In the end you are judged by your intentions, not your actions. That is the last message my brother Johnny gave me before he died (or so the psychic said). True or not, it really made me think hard about who I am and what my intentions are when I do something.
I have always prided myself on being a very giving person. When I examined this area of my life under the intentions microscope I learned alot.
I used to give and give and give with the knowledge that the more you give, the more you recieve. I was giving and waiting on recieving what I wanted; attention, gifts, money, lottery wins! I knew I needed to change this so a few years back I decided to change how I give. I started making true effort and a point of giving money, gifts and praise to people around me without expectation of recieving from them. Well, actually in the back of my mind I still had this notion that of course people will return the kindness and praise me for being giving. It took a long while to let that go. In fact it isn`t until this year that I am really able to give freely of myself and just feel good about that. No expectations, just good intentions of making others happy. The first time I was driven to do this was a couple of years ago when I recieved a Christmas bonus at work and I knew that contract staff didnt get one; I decided to share it with one of the contract workers without expectation. It felt amazing, not a lot of money but the amount wasnt important, I gave someone else the opportunity to do a little bit more at Christmas time for their family and I felt blessed to be able to do that.
Something miraculous happened, it started snowballing. I started appreciating every tiny bit of blessing that I am recieving in return for everything I give. Things that I never notice before because I was blinded by what I was expecting.
This year my income has decreased significantly but I am still able to provide for our 7 children and 2 grandchildren, maybe not as we did in previous years but that isnt what is important. In addition I am giving much more to others. Not alot of money but some monetary things; more importantly my time, my heart, my true good intentions. This is probably one of the worst years for me mentally but I feel more blessed than ever before. I, get this, me, I know it will be shocking so brace yourself, I - Barb Swartz-Biscaro found myself SMILING in the grocery store last week for no reason. Mrs miserable face herself SMILING! I am warm inside, I am smiling inside, I feel good about being me and I dont need anyone else to praise me to feel it. I just feel good. I am recieving so much. No lottery win, no big bank account, no miraculous mental health healing, no huge amounts of attention or publicity, just everyday blessings.
Giving is not about whats in the wrapping paper, its whats in your heart. It takes many more forms than a wrapped box or bag.
The other important piece to what I learned in this giving journey is that it doesnt matter what people choose to do with your gift, we still need to give. I have given much to people that others question because of that person motives or lifestyle or how they treat others. I once gave $20 to a man at a gas bar who was probably lying about his car breaking down and used the money to buy smokes, I can`t control that; God was giving me the opportunity to give and show my generosity regardless of the outcome. The outcome is the other persons issue. If that contract worker took the money I gave and spent it poorly by my standards, it doesnt matter, God was asking me to give and so I did.
My husband oftens tells me that I give too much and people dont appreciate it enough. Giving is not about appreciation, although it is nice, it is about giving of yourself without expectation. The gift you recieve is from God, it`s the genuine feeling of being a good person. God gives you everything you need and when we give freely of ourselves without selfishness we recieve His blessings in abundance.
I was always waiting for God to give me something monetary or reward me with material things for giving to others. Now I give freely and take all the blessings in any form and appreciate every single one. What is really funny is that all the attention I was seeking years ago, all the attention I am no longer seeking; is coming to me one hundred times over in the form of praise and appreciation from others. God waited for me to really give and now I really recieve all the important things. I am a truly blessed woman because I give.
Merry Christmas.
I have always prided myself on being a very giving person. When I examined this area of my life under the intentions microscope I learned alot.
I used to give and give and give with the knowledge that the more you give, the more you recieve. I was giving and waiting on recieving what I wanted; attention, gifts, money, lottery wins! I knew I needed to change this so a few years back I decided to change how I give. I started making true effort and a point of giving money, gifts and praise to people around me without expectation of recieving from them. Well, actually in the back of my mind I still had this notion that of course people will return the kindness and praise me for being giving. It took a long while to let that go. In fact it isn`t until this year that I am really able to give freely of myself and just feel good about that. No expectations, just good intentions of making others happy. The first time I was driven to do this was a couple of years ago when I recieved a Christmas bonus at work and I knew that contract staff didnt get one; I decided to share it with one of the contract workers without expectation. It felt amazing, not a lot of money but the amount wasnt important, I gave someone else the opportunity to do a little bit more at Christmas time for their family and I felt blessed to be able to do that.
Something miraculous happened, it started snowballing. I started appreciating every tiny bit of blessing that I am recieving in return for everything I give. Things that I never notice before because I was blinded by what I was expecting.
This year my income has decreased significantly but I am still able to provide for our 7 children and 2 grandchildren, maybe not as we did in previous years but that isnt what is important. In addition I am giving much more to others. Not alot of money but some monetary things; more importantly my time, my heart, my true good intentions. This is probably one of the worst years for me mentally but I feel more blessed than ever before. I, get this, me, I know it will be shocking so brace yourself, I - Barb Swartz-Biscaro found myself SMILING in the grocery store last week for no reason. Mrs miserable face herself SMILING! I am warm inside, I am smiling inside, I feel good about being me and I dont need anyone else to praise me to feel it. I just feel good. I am recieving so much. No lottery win, no big bank account, no miraculous mental health healing, no huge amounts of attention or publicity, just everyday blessings.
Giving is not about whats in the wrapping paper, its whats in your heart. It takes many more forms than a wrapped box or bag.
The other important piece to what I learned in this giving journey is that it doesnt matter what people choose to do with your gift, we still need to give. I have given much to people that others question because of that person motives or lifestyle or how they treat others. I once gave $20 to a man at a gas bar who was probably lying about his car breaking down and used the money to buy smokes, I can`t control that; God was giving me the opportunity to give and show my generosity regardless of the outcome. The outcome is the other persons issue. If that contract worker took the money I gave and spent it poorly by my standards, it doesnt matter, God was asking me to give and so I did.
My husband oftens tells me that I give too much and people dont appreciate it enough. Giving is not about appreciation, although it is nice, it is about giving of yourself without expectation. The gift you recieve is from God, it`s the genuine feeling of being a good person. God gives you everything you need and when we give freely of ourselves without selfishness we recieve His blessings in abundance.
I was always waiting for God to give me something monetary or reward me with material things for giving to others. Now I give freely and take all the blessings in any form and appreciate every single one. What is really funny is that all the attention I was seeking years ago, all the attention I am no longer seeking; is coming to me one hundred times over in the form of praise and appreciation from others. God waited for me to really give and now I really recieve all the important things. I am a truly blessed woman because I give.
Merry Christmas.
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