During March Break one of my daughters best friends was in a terrible car accident that claimed the life of her grandfather and left her paralyzed due to severe spinal cord injuries. She is 17 years old. Before the accident she was vibrant, full of life, fun to be with, determined and very strong willed. After the accident I expected her to lose some of the wind in her sails. We have done loads of fundraising and spent countless hours praying and trying to make sure she knows she is still the young woman we know and love and want in our lives. We visited her yesterday and I was so inspired by her attitude and determination. She is the same amazing girl.
Over the past few weeks we have spoken with her, encouraged her. One day I was a bit disappointed when I told her to never lose hope of walking again and she told me to stop it. She asked me to never speak of that and to accept that she will never walk again. My first thought was oh no she's losing hope, she's giving up. I realized yesterday she is so far from giving up. She is one determined young woman who is fighting very hard to learn how to adjust to her new way of living. She is only accepting help for the things that she really needs help with. When the nurses came to help her transfer from her bed to her chair she reminded them twice that she does not need help with her upper body. She spoke of how soon she will be able to do the transfer on her own without a lift or nurses. She is looking forward and working hard to learn how to do as much as she can on her own and is very adamant about not taking help for things she can do now. She's very "realistic" in the moment as her reality changes every day. She is not refusing help that she needs, she is allowing only the help that she needs and she needs less and less of it every day.
She talks about coming to visit our house again, which is not accessible and she knows it and has a very clear plan for how she is going to be able to maneuver our home. She spoke of how she can drive eventually and transfer herself without help into a vehicle from her chair and do her shopping alone. She talked about going to the beach with her friends and how she will just swim different than she used to. She doesn't see this as a end to the life she knew but a stumbling block, a need to find new ways to do the things she loves.
Don't get me wrong I know she has days/moments/hours/weeks, when she is so angry and frustrated and depressed; that's human nature when you are dealing with a huge life change like this. The key is that she has the right attitude. She accepts those moments for what they are and moves on with adjusting to her new life and looks forward to coming home and getting back to life. She is attending school in hospital so that she can return and be on track to graduate with her friends.
I tried to imagine being in her position on my way home yesterday. Knowing that she was in the hospital and trying to encourage her is one thing but seeing her there and having to leave knowing she has to stay is a whole other ball game. When I was 17 I would have given up. I am profoundly proud of her, she has inspired me to fight harder for myself. I am going to begin paying closer attention to the changing reality of my everyday life. I am going to only accept help with what I know for a fact I cannot do and make sure that I work hard to maintain the things I can. I thought I was already doing that but I wasn't. Some days I am just plain lazy and maybe afraid of the work I have to do and its easy to shut it off because its mental. Seeing her fight so hard with concrete, physical struggles makes me want to identify my mental struggles more clearly and make them more concrete by putting them on paper and not wimping out on the hard stuff. I have her to thank for that. I believe there has to be good come from every bad situation and I think she will inspire many with her strength. Keep calm and Gabby on has much more meaning to me today.
On another note I had another hmmmm? moment the other day. My brother and nephew were in a freak boating accident going trapping. If the events of that day and previous days had not gone exactly as they did I would have lost them both. We would have been planning funerals today. Now I am working hard to appreciate what is and not ask what if but its tough to not think about it. What if this had turned out differently? My brother was inches from death in that cold water. What if he was gone? Situations like that make me realize how much I cherish my family. During times of stress, anger, frustration with our family it is so hard but so important to remember what is really important and that is only the time we have together. Once its gone, its gone. There is no logic in wasting it with anger. Accepting each other as we are and supporting each other to build a good relationship that works for everyone is essential.
Life lessons this week have left me very thankful for what I have and although I am sure these lessons will drift into the back of my mind as everyday life marches on, I am going to make a greater effort to truly be the best I can be; for my family, my friends and myself. When time runs out I want it to count.
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