Today I received a message that was not intended for my eyes. It was about me and it wasn't very nice. It was about my "overuse" of Facebook. The person sending it clearly had me on their mind and sent the message quickly but sent it to the wrong person. I received it and was taken aback.
Without naming the person I want to share my learning through this experience with you. I not only protect the name of the person because this is public and I care about the person but because I know it was a mistake and I hold no hard feelings about it whatsoever. This is about my learning, not the message itself.
So the message came in. I read it, thought about how to respond, knew that this person would be mortified knowing that it came to me and not the intended recipient. I was gentle. I understood the position the person was coming from and nicely explained how to "unfollow" me on Facebook so they did not need to be overloaded with my posts any further.
See the problem the person was having was not MY problem, it was theirs. Their problem to be solved. As I say, misery is optional, if the person didn't like my loads of posts they could simply block, unfollow, unfriend, whatever. Facebook tries to make it personal by calling people you connect with "friends", truthfully maybe about 10% of the people on my Facebook are friends. Some are family, some are people I knew years ago that I don't even know or see anymore. Facebook is not personal. I enjoy it. I check it many times a day and post interesting quotes, recipes, news articles, and my status as well as pictures. I try to keep it positive and useful. My use of Facebook will not change because of this message but how much the person sees of it will because they now have the tools they need to unfollow my posts. I welcome anyone to unfollow if they feel the need. Or should my use of Facebook change?
The person called me soon after they realized their mistake and I was correct, they were mortified. They certainly had no intention of me seeing that message and were truly, truly sorry that they even sent it. It was a spur of the moment frustration and it got sent....to the wrong person.....apologies were made. We had a good discussion about it and each had a chance to explain how we felt and agreed to not let it affect our relationship.
Reflection in these situations is essential. I believe these things are brought our way to make us think, wake us up in some way, so I have spent my day thinking about what it is that I was to learn and here is what I came up with.
1. The same old reminder, everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes mistakes that you have made yourself or hope that you never do.
2. Judgement of others is a waste of time, but can be a learning experience if you let it.
3. My use of Facebook, positive or not, consumes some of the time I have with my children who grow too fast as it is so I need to find a better balance.
4. Taking offence to something doesn't help the issue. Its better to try and understand where people are coming from.
5. Talking face to face, not via email, private message, text etc is the best way ( how many times do I have to be reminded of that before I truly learn?).
6. Showing emotion to people is not a bad thing, it assists communication.
So from today on, with my new lessons, that I intend to use not ignore so they can happen again; I will pay more attention to my Facebook use, not because others may not like it but because my kids deserve my time more and I need to balance better. I will also try harder to correct myself when judging someone else, think about the spirit of the problem before taking offence to the reaction to it, call people or meet with them instead of messaging (this one will be a challenge) even if I might show emotion in the process, and I will try to put the words that I can so easily share with the whole world in writing into language to share with those close to me verbally when I have the chance.
So in a sense I say thank you to the person who sent the message. It has made me grow as a person today and I think opened new doors for us to build a closer relationship.
I guess you can say I am grateful to be judged today.
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