It's no secret that I LOVE FACEBOOK! I find great pleasure in reading others posts and sharing great information and sometimes funny jokes. I can buy things, sell things, chat with people I haven't seen in years, see pictures of their families. I LOVE it!
It has a dark side. (You didn't know that did you?)
The dark side of Facebook has worn my nerves to a breaking point. If I look at the ratio of good to bad I would say its somewhere in the ballpark of 95:5. It just seems that the bad outweighs the good when it happens and I really struggle with it. It makes me want to post things that I shouldn't post and it drives my husband crazy that I talk about it. He despises Facebook, finds it a totally pointless drama filled waste of time. He has never seen the good, he only hears about the bad.
I have had many conflicts on Facebook. Most of them stemmed from a misinterpretation of words. Only 5% of language is verbal so the words we type have no affect, no body language to go with it and people reading it have to interpret what you say, adding their own affect and making assumptions. I have learned to be careful of what I say and share on that site.
Having said that, last night I thought I was being careful, commented on a persons status in a very generic way sharing my learning about the statement she had made. It turned out that I upset someone with my comment. I apologized and told the person that it was not aimed at them or intended to upset, just my reflection about how I had been on both sides of the coin, both spewed harsh words and had them spewed at me and how it ruins relationships. That snowballed into hashing out past conflicts between us and bringing up irrelevant information for the situation. I asked the person to remove my comment, apologized again and left it at that. It played on my mind all night, not worth the effort or stress, but it upsets me that clearly this person holds a grudge against me when the problem they had was actually with my husband not me yet they hold me responsible for his words and decisions. Letting it go! I wish this person could let it go as well but I have no control over that.
Another example. I received a private message from a person who is not happy with my relationship with my husband and feels that I am only in the relationship to steal his attention from his children and their "entitlement" to his worth. Thats a whole other blog, but I digress. Clearly this person doesn't know me at all and I found it very offensive to be accused of this however replied very nicely and said I choose not to discuss it as it is none of their business. My concern was that my husbands children feel this way and if so I needed to address that. So while away on our vacation my husband spoke with two of his children and they assured him that they do not feel this way at all and they are very thankful for our marriage. Phew, now I can let that go because the most important people in the misinterpreted situation are happy. Or maybe not because they then elaborated that the reason this person sent me this message is because they had been sharing private messages on Facebook with said person above who holds a grudge against me and this is the conclusion they made about me. Harder to let go. See, I have learned that what others think of me is none of my business however it is really hard to let go of sometimes. Thats a struggle I have with my own brain.
When I have a conflict with someone I keep it between that person and I, I don't talk about the person to others even if I am angry with them. I don't hold anyone else responsibility for anyone. Each person is responsible for themselves. However, the person with the grudge clearly feels they need to share their anger toward me with others and give them incorrect information to skew their view of me as well. Upsetting for me and my issue to deal with.
So in order to eliminate or reduce the amount of negative that consumes my brain I decided to deactivate my Facebook account even though I will miss it terribly. Once I found out that I can't deactivate and keep my business page I decided I would keep my personal profile and only use my business page for professional use only. I changed my settings so I can't receive private messages from anyone but people who are "friends" and I cut my friend list significantly. I am taking responsibility for myself, helping myself deal with my issue.
If more people would do that we would have much less negativity on Facebook.
I don't hold grudges against anyone I have had conflict with. I accept the situation for what it is and move on. Forgiveness is not for the person who "did wrong by you" its for your own peace of mind. I have learned that it is a very powerful tool in life that lifts loads of weight from your shoulders. Hell I have forgiven the man who sexually abused me for years as a child, my ex husband for infidelity, my brother for calling me every name in the book and disowning me. It doesn't let them off the hook, they are still responsible for their actions but the load on my shoulders is gone. I am letting them take responsibility for themselves, I evaluated the situations and understand why they did what they did and thats their burden to bear.
So from here on out I am hoping to have 100% positive on Facebook through my business page. I will always be nice to people, civil with anyone, conflict or not because as human beings we all deserve acknowledgment of existence at the bare minimum. We cannot get along with everyone, not everyone has to like us or agree with our choices and vice versa but that doesn't make them any less human. Spread kindness to everyone, even though at times it is hard. In the end we are judged by who we were, not who we knew or how they treated us. We only have control of ourselves.
Happy Monday!
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