Found and lost

I was born into a family of two parents and two older brothers.

I had no idea what I had found. My sister came along to add to our blessings. Over the years there were many ups and downs.

The bond we built between the 6 of us was unbreakable.

I lost a cousin. I hurt.

I lost aunts and uncles. I hurt.

I lost amazing grandparents. I hurt.

I lost my oldest brother. My world was shattered.

I have been blessed by not having lost my parents or my children....God willing I will outlive my children but reality is I will experience the loss of my parents. That pain will be it's own.

All year I think about the great memories. This time of year I think about those last month's,  days, minutes.

I wonder what he was thinking, what he wanted me to do. I try hard to reassure myself that I did right by him.

I will never know.

This pain will never leave. It is the worst pain I have ever felt.

I miss him and want nothing more than one more day, one more moment, one more smile, one more beer, one more phone call, one more campfire, one more Hollywood howl!

Johnny I miss you! I love you and my heart will never be as full as it was when you were here.

We found each other by luck, through biology and we lost each other by death but only until we meet again. ♡

Feminism or Equalism?

I have recently become involved in a peer mentorship program for survivors of sexual violence. The journey to becoming a mentor includes 40 hours of training which I have been attending every Tuesday afternoon for a number of weeks.

Each week I come away with more motivation and inspiration. I have a one hour drive home from the training and always leave my radio off and think about what I have just learned.

One of the greatest pieces of learning I have found is about Feminism. I was 100% of the belief that feminists hate men and want women to control the world. I did not consider myself a feminist, in fact,  I strongly reconsidered getting involved in the program because the agency that is offering this opportunity is a feminist agency and I wasn't sure I fit with their philosophy. Well, I am glad I decided to give it a try because I learned what feminism really is.

It is about being equal. Not about burning bras in protest of men's position in the world or fighting to take away the rights of men. It is about sharing the world with men. Feminists want to have the same opportunities in the workplace, home, society as anyone else.

Men are feminists. Yes, there are men who truly believe that the world can be shared equally with women very peacefully. They even believe that women have a right to equality in the workplace, home, society. I would dare to go so far as to say that Feminists believe in equality of all humans regardless of sex, race, colour, creed or sexual orientation.

I am a feminist. Who knew?

So why is it still called feminism? I understand historically women fought very hard for the rights of women and I thank them greatly for all they did to allow me the freedoms I have today. However, I think the word feminist is misleading. I would also venture a guess that many men who are feminists would deny it because of the label and the stigma that goes with it.

Isn't it time that we move with the ages and call it what it is? EQUALISM!

Not to minimize the work of the feminist movement but to offer gratitude and show their success. We have moved, we have a long way to go, lets make it socially acceptable to be a man and fight for equality for all humans.

I am an equalist and proud of it.

Aspirations

We all have aspirations. I have started my 101 item Bucket list full of things I aspire to do.

What about who we aspire to BE?

I have just returned home from our annual HSA/Learning Community Gathering which is always so very inspirational and includes leaders and followers from various countries. We talked a lot about aspirations this year.  I have very much admired Helen Sanderson (the UK CEO of HSA) since I first got to meet her via social media. Julie Malette (HSA Canada lead) is also a woman I very much admire, not to mention many other associates. These two ladies particularly have a presence about them, a sense of strong mindfulness, a  level of conscious awareness that I covet.

Now covet is a strong word, much stronger than admire and that is a realization that I came to during this week together. Since I have known these amazing women I have aspired to BE them. I wanted to be the person who leads an international or national organization in person centred practices. I wanted to be the person who has led so many people on such inspirational journeys and introduced brilliant work to the world. I coveted their success superior to admiring their qualities.

This year it felt different. I didn't want to BE them I wanted to BE WITH them. I wanted to enjoy their presence, learn from them and share learning with them.

My journey of self awareness, mindfulness and conscious awareness continues and will never end and I recognized the movement I have made through the past year. I no longer covet what they have, I admire who they are and what they contribute to my work and personal life. I dont want to BE them. I want to BE MY BEST ME!

I aspire to be Barb Swartz-Biscaro, the best woman I can be acknowledging my faults, quirks, failures, lessons, successes and qualities along the way. The woman who does the best work she can in the areas of her interest. The woman who is the best she can be for her family. I dont need to be internationally known or respected, I need to be introspect-fully known and respected. I aspire to be ME.

It wasn't a waste of time to covet these women. I learned a lot about the qualities I want to emulate as a successful woman. I aspire to strengthen some of those same qualities to be the best me.

I can't be Helen Sanderson or Julie Malette, they already have those titles and carry them very well. I can only be Barb Swartz-Biscaro.

It is pointless to aspire to BE someone else, find the qualities you find admirable in the people you covet. Do your best to be your best YOU, that's your only choice. You were given one title in life what do you aspire to do with it?

A letter of forgiveness - to my abuser

(I would say Dear, but he's not dear to me)

James Elson Tulloch;

Today I found my purpose in life.

I thought I forgave you about a year ago; and I truly did try but I held onto hatred. Now I know that I can really let go.

I can forgive you.

I FORGIVE YOU!

Not for you, but for me. For my mental health, for my future.

You stole my childhood!

You stole my adolescence!

You stole my young adulthood!

You had a strong hand in my divorce from my children's father!

It took me about 32 years after you left my life to start to learn to not let you to control me.

Now 34 years later, YOU ARE HISTORY!

It sure has been a long road.

There will always be triggers.

There will always be reminders.

But no longer will I submit to them. No longer will I surrender to them, relent, concede, yield......YOU HAVE NO CONTROL ANY LONGER.

I  am FREE!

Today I found my life purpose! I knew I would eventually find a way to help other survivors and I have been searching.

Today I found it!

I give gratitude for your influence on my life and appreciate the direction you have given me to help other survivors.

Did you ever think I would thank you?

Me either.

I guess I should thank Karma because she is helping me help others and I no longer care what she does with you.

I am FREE and I FORGIVE YOU!

Person Centred Budgeting

Recently I have adopted a new budgeting system. My husband and I were at odds weekly about where the money goes so I decided that we need to have a common understanding of how we would use our money, therefore we would be on the same page and there could be no misunderstandings. 

I have watched Gail Vaz-Oxlade on the television show "Till Debt Do Us Part" a few times. Actually I usually catch the end of it as I wait for my one hour favourite program to start each night. Anyway, I really like her jar budgeting system. It seems to work for the people she works with so why not do some more research on it. I looked it up online where she has many tools and budget worksheets that are downloadable and can be personalized. I went ahead and personalized a budget for us. I created a budget binder, the 5 jars that she suggests having for spending money each week and tracking sheets to keep track of what we spend and where. NO PLASTIC! We can only use the cash in the jars.

I knew this would be a transition as I am a plastic girl. My husband has always been a cash man. With him away all week he usually takes his weekly allowance out of the bank and doesn't touch the account all week. I am typically the one who does all the household shopping and spends the money during the week. We thought it would be easy peasy for him and really tough for me. We are learning as we go.

So with 5 jars set aside for Transportation, Food, Clothing and Gifts, Entertainment and Everything Else each with its own weekly amount determined by the budget spreadsheet we are limited and have to pay very close attention and track every penny not he tracking sheets.

My husband is not working this week so he accompanied me to town yesterday. The first place he wanted to go was to price a new lawn tractor, the second place was to price a new farm tractor, then to pick up new u-joints for our broken farm tractor, then to Canadian Tire to get a new air pressure gauge for the air compressor. Do you see where I am going here? 

I had taken $45 from the Transportation jar to put diesel in my car, $25 from the Everything Else jar for a pair of shoes I had bought on a buy and sell site and $5 from the food jar to pick up eggs. NO PLASTIC.

Luckily my husband had his weekly allowance in his pocket and used it for the parts he needed but then asked "What about my allowance money?" to which I responded "You just spent it for this week." He was a bit frustrated that this meant he couldn't go and use his debit or credit card to buy us lunch at Tim Horton's like we like to do on our trips to town. It wasn't planned, I didn't bring the cash, it can't happen. He agreed but quickly said he thinks this budget isn't correct and her (Gail's) approach doesn't make any sense. When we got home I put her show on so that he could learn more about her approaches and see the success of others who persist with it.

In trying to teach him I taught myself something. I really paid a lot of attention to how she spoke to people and her approach to their budget. She spends a lot of time learning about who people are, whats important to them and how to support them in order to be successful during her month supporting them on their budgeting journey.

AHA - Person Centred Approaches to Budgeting

Sounds like common sense but a bit more complicated than one would think. It takes a lot of self reflection and introspective searching to budget this way. It also takes a lot of determination, persistence, compromise and will power to follow through with goals you have set for yourself.

Its like anything else in life really. We use person centred approaches to everything we do, we just don't name them and write them down necessarily although I suggest writing them down, it certainly makes it more concrete.

We know that we are much less likely to do something that is good for us unless it is directly related to something that is important to us.

So after all these years of saying that we need to develop a budget and the many creative discussions we have had about money, what made me decide to tackle it now? Something that is IMPORTANT TO ME....my husband retiring and being home all week. It has always been important to me but now it is also IMPORTANT TO HIM. I had to wait for it to be important enough to him. He really wants it now but is concerned about finances so I need to show him that it is manageable to alleviate his anxiety. I am happy to say it is working. The kids are less happy about it but thats another whole blog.

A number of years ago I created this Person Centred Budget to help people I was supporting in my job at Community Living Parry Sound to budget. (It is actually normally in a nice table format but I can't insert a pdf here so you get the idea.)

Personal Financial Plan

What is Important to Me to buy each month?

What Is Important For Me to pay for each month?

Is there anything above that can be eliminated or negotiated to make room for balance? If

yes, what?

Total Monthly Income:

Total I must pay out:

Total recreational (divide by 4 to get weekly amount):

Where and When I will spend my recreational budget

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

Include activity and cost

I thought this would be a great way to help people and other staff members to think more person centred when budgeting so that people we were supporting weren't losing things that were important to them in a month because of the need to pay bills. There is always room for negotiation, self reflection and balance.

So I did a bit of reflection of my own. In our budget I have included weekly lunch money for the kids. I have included wine and beer or us. I have included lottery tickets, buy and sell site budget, a generous amount for gifts as I like to give. I did consider what was important to all family members in the development of our budget, there is still some tweaking that can be done but overall our budget is person centred. It reflects who we are and what is important in our lives as well as the things that are not negotiable and have to be paid. It includes a good balance of what is important to us as a family and what is important for us as a family if we want to maintain our current lifestyle.

I am always amazed at the AHA moments. I have always known these approaches not just for people supported by agencies or facilities, I use these approaches in my everyday life, why does it still hit me that these approaches are so useful? Because being person centred, thinking about the person first.....thinking about you first and then planning life around what you learned primarily about what is important to and for you is hard work. It has to be the most intrinsic and simplistic part of life but takes time and energy to really know yourself mindfully. 

I for one am very thankful I have taken this journey and I continue to learn and amaze myself.

Be a FROG!

A couple of years back I attended my first Survivor to Thriver Conference hosted by Muskoka Parry Sound Sexual Assault Services (MPSSAS). The conference is for current and past clients of their services.



It was  a day filled with healing information, workshops, networking and a feeling of being ok to just be you. It was amazing to sit in a room of women who you know won't judge you, question you or look down on you because you are all there for the same reason.



The final activity of that day was a drumming circle. A local musician attended to show us how to use music as a healing medium. She brought numerous percussion instruments for us to play. There were drums, maracas, etc. and these wooden frogs with ribbed backs and a whole in the centre so that when you rub the ribs on the back with the wand it makes a croaking sound.



For some reason I was drawn to that frog instrument and I chose it. As the 50 of us sat in a circle we were instructed to follow the beat of the lead drummer with whatever instrument we had chosen. You can imagine what went through my mind....how do I keep the beat with a frog?.....but I did it. Each time my frog croaked I giggled and looked at my therapist who was also laughing. I was the only person to choose a frog, everyone else was beating to their own drum and I was croaking to my on frog. And I knew then and there I wanted to buy one.

Later on the same year I heard that Theo Fleury  (retired NHL player and spokesperson for ending child sexual abuse) was coming to speak at a local fundraiser for MPSSAS and I decided I wanted to go. My girlfriend and I went along that evening hoping to hear something inspirational and to help raise money for MPSSAS to continue doing the great work they do. Before the main event there was a silent auction and wine and cheese event. Part of my intent was to help raise money so I wanted to participate in the silent auction. As I walked around and looked at all of the items there really wasn't anything that caught my eye except this beautiful photo taken by a local photographer. It was of a lily pad and flower in full bloom. I am  a lover of lilies and decided I needed to bid on that. I placed my bid and off we went to hear Theo speak.

My desire to hear something inspirational was met. The piece of his hour long talk that struck me hardest was when he explained about how he identifies himself with frogs. He has a frog tattoo, he uses a frog symbol on his website, when he was part of a sweat lodge a native person gave him the native name for frog. He is a frog. The significance of the frog for him is that frogs cannot hop backward, they can only hop forward. He uses this to remind himself to never go back to the past and his abuse or struggles resulting from it. He can only move forward and that is what he has done and found healing and success. He is a thriver and a creator of his own future.

As I listened to him speak, I was brought back to that moment at the conference when I was drawn to the frog instrument. Something pulled me there, I could have chosen anything that fit in with the group but that frog was speaking to me. I went out on a limb and stood out from the crowd (which I never do), took a risk and played the frog and it was healing. I also thought about that photo that I had just bid on, why was it the only thing that stood out for me in the silent auction? A lilypad with a lily in full bloom? Why that? I came to the conclusion that there is something to the frog theory and I need to listen to what it is saying to me.

When I left that night I couldn't stop thinking about it and decided that if I won the silent auction there was something to this, if I didn't I would let it go. Days, weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything so I assumed that I had not won. Then the call came. I had won the picture, I could go pick it up at my earliest convenience. There was something to this frog theory and I needed to listen to it.

I immediately began searching for a percussion frog instrument online and couldn't find one at a price that I was willing to spend so I thought I would just keep looking over time and one day something affordable would pop up. I wanted it as a symbol to remind me to only move forward. That winter when my husband and I went on our annual trip to Cuba we were walking along the souvenir path and low and behold there it was, a percussion frog instrument....only one of them.....8 pesos. Needless to say I bought my frog in my favourite place in the world. There is something to this frog theory.

I began really thinking about life and how frogs have fit into it. I have always been drawn to frogs since I was a little girl. Ioved to catch them, watch them and listen to them in the evening on the dock. I loved lily pads. Every time we fish in the boat in the summer I try to get close shots of lily pads and lilies with my camera. I imagined myself as a frog, I meditated on it for many days. Finally I put the pieces together.

Frogs have been following me trying to get my attention. I wasn't listening. Once I really entered a stage in my life where I was focussing wholly on healing and attending therapy regularly, really working hard at it, the frog in me needed to be freed. (Needless to say, now whenever I see a frog of any sort I buy it.)

 


I was drawn to the frog at the conference, its energy called me. I was drawn to hearing Theo Fleury speak, his energy called me. I was drawn to that lily pad picture, its energy called me. I had to buy that frog on the beach in Cuba, it was waiting for me. I came to the conclusion that, without stealing Theo Fleury's thunder, I am also a frog. I had been sitting on a lily pad, stagnant and trying to jump backward for many many years. It was time to leap from the pad and keep moving. I reminded myself that is is always ok to look back and take the lessons from the past but jumping back won't change anything. Moving forward is the only way to go.

So be a frog! Move forward in leaps and bounds. Don't let anything stop you from making your life exactly what you want it to be. Find the energies calling you and listen.

Cuba in perspective (SCG is our paradise)

Sol Cayo Guillermo in Cayo Guillermo Cuba is our vacation spot of choice 10 years in a row now. We love it there, we feel like we are going home every year.

It seems, however, that every year we hear people complaining either online of at the hotel itself. This year I decided I would be more mindful of the "complaints" I heard and try to figure out why we have never had a problem and always choose to go back.

So.....a play by play of our week from flight to flight...not in detail but the basics. (My parents were with us this year, my cousins followed on another flight)

Flight from Toronto, chaotic, annoying, stressful, expensive but once we took off with Sunwing....relaxation.

Arrival at Cayo Coco airport, fast, easy, simple as always.

Onto the bus, grab some Cerveza, on our way.

Arrive at hotel to friendly faces welcoming us back. Check in to the rooms that we have booked ahead of time as we like our room. My parents room had been changed but we were assured it would be changed the next day. Our room was perfect. Arrive at moms room and it hadn't been cleaned, dirty towels on the floor, sheets on the floor.....back to the front desk, the sent a maid and it was cleaned and ready for us once we had our first drink. My room key didn't work so had to go back to front desk to get it fixed, finally get in, my husband grabbed the wrong luggage at the airport and I had a mans suitcase.....no clothes! Hmm what to do? Go ask at front desk and told they will look after it in the morning. Few drinks and off to bed.

Wearing same clothes the next day wake up to palm trees, ocean, heat, friendly staff.......roll up my pants and enjoy. Took us until the afternoon to find my suitcase and had to pay 40 CUC to go pick it up at another hotel 40 mins away by taxi. The other couple was happy to have their luggage as well. Back to the hotel, change, walk, drink, eat, sweat.....LOVE!

Toilet broke, mosquitoes bit, husband got sick....blah blah blah!

Ok play by play over....you get the point. There are some negative things about Cuba. There are so many more positive things about Cuba to focus on.

What I learned about why we continue to go back is that we have a positive attitude about everything we experience there. We go to Cuba with the knowledge and expectation that it is a different culture and that a 4 star hotel in Cuba is a 1 star in Canada. The food is good, it takes time for our bodies to change to any foods that are cooked outside of our culture......bit of culture shock we expect.

If you leave Canada expecting to have a perfect room that provides pampering like the tropical vacation commercials you will be sadly disappointed.

Cuba is amazing. The people are amazing, the hotel is amazing, the food is amazing, the short time we are blessed to spend there every year is AMAZING! We come home every year with sores on our skin, happy to have food cooked in our own kitchen but we dont pay attention to those things while we are there. We enjoy CUBA as it is.

What I noticed this year is that the people who were complaining seemed to have the impression that they are superior to Cuban people; that Cuban people should be catering to us. Yes their job is to serve us,  make us happy and comfortable while we are there but I for one am thankful that they do that in Cuban style not Canadian style.....otherwise why would I go there? They do everything on Cuban time, in Cuban culture and we LOVE it. If you want Canadian tropics, wait until July and stay home. If you want a winter break thats hot, comfortable, beautiful and cultural....go to Cuba. (Don't bang your mug on the bar like the bartender should run to you before the 12 people ahead of you like you are more important and complain that they are slow, they are doing a great job serving hundreds every day and they smile all the time)

Its all in the attitude. We have had many small and large inconveniences in our 10 years going there. We address them quickly and dont let it spoil our trip, we only have seven days, dont waste any minutes you dont have too. We laugh them off, make the best of everything and enjoy every second.

This year there was a couple that was complaining that they had spent the first 4 days of their vacation changing rooms and hadn't had time to relax yet, they wanted their money back. The way I see it is, make the best of your room (unless it is horrific but they are all pretty much the same there) you spend the last amount of awake time there anyway. Don't choose to spend your whole vacation trying force the hotel to meet you expectations. Throw the expectations out the window and appreciate what there is in every present moment.

Sol Cayo Guillermo is may favourite place to go and I hope I am blessed enough to get to go there every year for many more. We have made many friends that we miss all year and look forward to seeing when we get to go back.

Attitude and expectations can make or
break your vacation. You pay for it, enjoy! And bottom line if you expect high end pampering, dont go to Cuba.

ImPERFECT Parenting

News flash......there are no perfect parents. I understand this is said all the time and people must hear it all the time but it appears that nobody listens. Parents continue to act as though being perfect is the goal. Doing the best you can to raise, respectful, polite, motivated and contributing children is the goal. Pretty tall order isn't it.

I remember when my third child was born (and I remember this vividly because it left an impression on me) I was at Sobeys grocery shopping. My daughter was 4, my first son was 2 and my third child was a newborn. I was walking up and down the aisles as grocery shopping moms do, trying to get my groceries and get home while the toddlers are grabbing at products they want me to buy, bickering and the baby whimpering in a way that I knew if I dont get out of here soon I will have a full on screaming baby boy for people to look at. An elderly lady approached me and said "Enjoy these days while they last, they are gone far sooner than you would ever expect." Now if my parents hadn't taught me manners I would have told that lady right where to go in that moment, I was frustrated and just wanted to get done. Being polite I smiled and walked past her thinking how rude she was to approach a stranger and give unsolicited advice. I wondered who the heck she thought she was giving me advice.

Just last week I became that elderly lady. I was in Walmart and saw a mom with 2 kids, frustrated, miserable and just didn't want to be where she was in the moment.

Aha moment. No I didn't say anything but it brought me back to that day in Sobey's so many years back. I realized I looked miserable, like I wasn't enjoying parenting (and I really wasn't), like I didn't want to be a mom. That was the light bulb for me. My face always has a grumpy look on it, its natural for me, I was snapping at the toddlers and feeling very frustrated and not enjoying parenting very much but there has never been a day since the conception of my first child that I would ever give up being a mom. It has been the greatest privilege and blessing of my life. I just forgot to appreciate it quite often. That lady was looking back on her life and her childrearing years and wishing she had done exactly what she was telling me to do.

Currently I have a number of friends who are new moms with one or two kids. I see their frustration and resonate with their fatigue and search for the almighty non-exsistent parenting handbook. How do we toilet train by the expectations of others, how do we make sure they are healthy enough for society to not talk about us, what will other people think of the decisions I have made?

Its time for parents to give themselves a break. Just last week at my fitness group I was looking back on the "mistakes" I made. I had coddled my kids and saved them when they were going through rough times. This didn't set them up to be able to handle tough situations and push through despite being unhappy, I set them up to expect only to feel happiness and never have to do what they dont want to do. We all know this isn't reality. My friend looked at me and said " Don't ever feel guilty for doing what you felt was best for your kids, you are a good mom."

I have been trying to be perfect all this time. I never wanted to take help when my kids were really little because they were my responsibility. If I had taken the opportunity to sleep when someone offered me the time I would have been mentally healthier, healthier for my kids, healthier to do the most important job of my life.

I have been listening and asking for opinions of family and friends, questioning and criticizing my own decisions based on what I thought other people thought was best. All I had to do was stick to my gut. Make the decision I felt was best and stick to it. I have essentially been a single mom since my youngest was 2. My second husband works away from home all week and blended families are a struggle often in the best of times. All I had to do was make the decision that was best for my kids, stick to it, accept other possible dissatisfaction with it and feel confident in my own judgement. Being confident in my own judgement was all that really mattered even if it turned out to be the wrong decision. Life lessons abounding.

So if I can be the elderly lady that taught me such an important lesson, even though I didn't appreciate  it for 14 years, and give parents some unsolicited advice here it is:

Find a way to be mindful of every precious moment. Do what you feel is best for your children, Nobody does it perfectly, give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Forgive yourself quickly when you are feeling guilty.  Look at your children, appreciate who they are individually and what they contribute to your family. Even the frustrating days are precious and worthy of holding in the memory bank. Accept help when its offered so you can be the best you can be for your children. Cherish every single moment. Respect that it is a priviledge to have these amazing beings as your children, your life, your greatest love.

" Enjoy these days while they last, they are gone far sooner than you would ever expect."

Terminal Irritation

Today is cleaning day at my house.

I used to look forward to cleaning day when I worked outside my home. Now that I am home everyday I seem to clean all the time so its not that exciting but this week I looked forward to Friday cleaning day......give the house a REAL GOOD CLEAN DAY. 

I have only got the bathroom done so far and this is what I have noticed.

1. I dont know what all the rave about men putting the toilet seat down is all about! I would be elated if I could just get the men in my house to lift it before they pee! Cleaning the toilet with drippage and spray everywhere is disgusting. And as if the underside of the toilet seat and rim of the toilet bowl isn't bad enough.....then you have to dive deep to the bottom of the toilet where there are yellow pools all dried up with dust and hair and the crusty rim around the base. So gross. 

I have a friend who makes it a rule in her home that men sit down to pee. I thought it was kind of silly when I first heard it....as if anyone has that much control over how people use their home......now I am considering adopting that rule myself. I may even post it on the front  door so any man entering is aware of the expectation and they can choose not to come in if they like. Either that or I give them each a cloth when they enter the bathroom and they have to wipe up after themselves. 

2. Still on the toilet, there is a toilet bowl brush right beside the toilet for easy access and USE! Clearly by the look of my toilet nobody but me uses it. The stuff men leave behind is just nasty is all I can say.....it only takes a couple of seconds to give the bowl a rinse after using the toilet, the flush doesn't always remove everything.

3. I have a beautiful glass shower stall. I love it. It enables me to look out my bathroom window when I shower and see my back yard and sometime wildlife. That is of course if I can see out the glass. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, you name it any and all shower products in my shower get sprayed on the glass. This morning when I stepped in I stepped on a hunk of soap. You know that last little chunk at the end of the bar that nobody wants to have to waste energy throwing in the garbage or God forbid use the last bit, they open a new bar and leave the last slimy chunk on the floor of the shower. When it squished between my toes this morning I began to wonder if anything I say ever sinks in to anyone in my house. Theres a squeegee and a garbage can in the bathroom, use it!

4. The dishwasher is right beside the sink. I love having a dishwasher. It saves me doing 5 loads of dishes a day......or at least it should! It seems every time I walk past the sink it is full and I need to put the dishes into the dishwasher. If I really get loud when I complain about it, they will do it themselves for a little while. Only one problem with that, they dont rinse them before they put them in. So I end up with dishes that I have rinsed, mixed with dishes they didn't rinse and once the cycle goes through all of the food is all over all of the dishes and I get to rinse and rewash them. UGH!

5. The fridge. Milk jug with a teaspoon of  milk left in it because "it wouldn't fit in my glass", empty containers because someone took the food out and didn't feel like putting the container in the dishwasher, Mikes lunches for the week have all the meat missing from them because the boys open the container and eat what they like and leave the rest......so Mike gets some pretty nice surprise meals some weeks and I get some pretty frustrated phone calls....."Where did the steak go from my lunch?"

Now its just me and my sons home all week. Mike is away at work and Jordan has moved out. When Mike is home he does a lot of cleaning, he is a bit anal about it actually. He is very helpful in almost every way. But even he doesn't understand why I clean the bottom of the toilet or the toilet brush holder, he uses the kitchen towels or dishcloth to wipe the floor and then puts it back for people to use on dishes????? I dont understand.

Terminally irritated rant over. But all kidding aside, I do love my family and am very thankful they are here with me to share our home. I guess I could have listened to my dad when he said "You dont want to go near boys, they are YUCKY." But then I would have a clean, lonely house so I prefer it this way.

I wonder what I do to irritate them? I bet they might say NAG! (and clean the bottom of the toilet and toilet brush holder)

Back to cleaning.