In my lifetime I have known many people with addictions. Drugs, alcohol, sex, food, whatever the addiction it's all the same, they lie. They may not be liars all around but when it comes to protecting their addiction they will cheat and lie and hide in ways that you would never imagine.
People around them think its about them, they are intentionally tyring to hurt their family, lie to those who love them walk around conciously looking for ways to be devious and cruel. I used to think that too, I took it personally. I have learned that people with addictions are the most selfish people alive. They lie and its all about them, not about anyone else. Although part of it is about shame, the majority of why they hide it is to keep it from themselves. They do not want to admit to any type of addiction. They will disguise it with medical conditions, they will function well in society, they will make excuses abound to hide the truth from themselves. They will try to place negative attention on other people to avoid facing themselves. They will be adamant about not having a problem to try and convince themselves not others. Its all about them.
If they admit the addiction to themselves they are obligated to do something about it which is harder than denying it. They will have to admit to needing help to get past something that they love and do not want to get past on most levels.
These are people who may have known at one time to be wonderful, kind hearted, generous, thoughtful etc. The addiction takes that person away. It sneaks it away slowly so even the addicted person is unaware until it is too late and they have no choice but to get well or die.
That is how addictions end, one of two ways; death or treatment.
Don't take it personally, they are acting on addiction not who they really are. The addiction controls them and they do and say things that they never would have before. They hurt people around them to protect themselves, protect something their body loves more than people in their lives...their addiction.
People with addictions can be told over and over. Interventions can be undertaken. The person will most often continue with their addiction until they are ready to accept help and stop running. The best we can do is to support them, be honest with them about what we see, set limits, disable them wherever possible and wait patiently until they either get treatment or they choose to slowly die.
This whole situation with Rob Ford in Toronto is ridiculous. The media makes it out to be about the people of Toronto. Yes, his example for young children is awful; a mayor is expected to be well balanced and living as a good example. The reality is he has done his job and done well. He has functioned through his addiction. He has lied; not only because he wants to keep his job but mostly because he is not ready to admit its a problem for him. He lies to protect his addiction, not his reputation. How we feel about it is insignificant to him. He has admitted to smoking drugs but denies addiction. He knows he is addicted but chooses to ignore it and excuse it unconciously, its how he protects it. He is not ready to let go of it. Its not about the people of Toronto, its all about him. He will crash or get treatment the same as any other addicted person. Until then he will lie and try to keep his head above water.
People with addictions lie. Good people become addicted and then become start to lie. Its unconcious, something has control over them and until they see it they will lie and hurt people around them; bottom line.
I used to want to reach out to people I know are addicted and try to help them. A wise woman told me, do your best and pray for the rest. She is very right, we can only do our best to support and not enable, set limits and choose when to spend time with those people. Then we say a prayer and hope that God is with them to lead them to the best path for them. The hard part is not taking it personally but it really is not about us.
To anyone dealing with someone with an addiction, don't take it personally. To people with addictions, good luck on your journey, the hardest things to do in life are the right things, why wait another day/year to do what you already know you need to do? It takes a stronger person to face addictions and heal than to stay locked in the addiction, your family will be proud of you not ashamed. Go for it, stay alive, I dare you!
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