Mike had died and I had been standing beside his coffin with our family. Before he died he told me he did not want a funeral. Here I was not respecting his wishes at his funeral. Why would I do such a thing?
It took me some time to reorient myself to my bedroom and bed, change my pillow and relax.
The feeling of loss deep in my soul never left though. It had me thinking all day Tuesday about how we need to write down what we want after we die. Not just a will, wills are fantastic but so impersonal and open to contest. What about the personal stuff as individuals and as a couple?
When my brother passed suddenly it would have saved a lot of relationship stress is he had written what he wanted and how he wanted to be remembered.
End of life planning can be done at any age. Mike is 22 years older than me so by rights he should be gone before me and we talk about that often but you never know. I certainly could be first, my family needs to know what I want to happen if I am incapacitated or die.
I am going to write it all down, or maybe do a video. I will share what is important to me in my life, special memories I have, what kind of music they should play at my funeral, what kind of flowers I want, how I want to be buried/cremated, what I want done with my personal belongings and property, my hopes and fears for my children/grandchildren.
http://www.helensandersonassociates.co.uk/reading-room/who-/people-and-end-of-life.aspx
( click on the link above for some tools to help you)
I can write it all now and change it over time. It is just so important to think about and we tend to avoid it or procrastinate because death is uncomfortable. Well it's a reality, it happens to all of us so why not make your wishes clear?
For people who know death is close it is a great way to reflect and share remaining time with family. Tell them how you want to be cared for if you are ill.
What about your social profiles? So many people who have passed still have Facebook accounts. I will tell my kids what to do with them when I am gone. Maybe people don't want a memorial site on the internet. How does anyone know if we don't tell them?
What about the personal items you own? Diaries, journals, books? We all have things that we don't share with others. What do you want done with them? Hey, I don't want just anyone cleaning my underwear drawers.
So this is my new goal not because I am afraid of dying but because I know someday it will happen and I have a right to have it my way. There are things I want my family to know. My death is personal to me.
How do you want to be remembered? The date of birth and date of death are always mentioned in an obituary but the dash between them is what was important. Share it!
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