This last week we have all been overloaded with anti bullying information. It is time to take the label off and really look at the actions involved.
I am always blown away by people suggesting that others should change, criticizing others actions, judging who other people are or how they choose to live. We all make mistakes, that's life. That's human. And here's where self relfection enters my blogs again. Who are we to judge anyone else, what gives us the right to put our values on others?
This is suggested to be primarily a teen issue, childhood issue. It's not; it's a human issue. It's just rears it's head differently with kids and because we think we should be able to control them, we make it a global "kid" issue.
I have sat in many adult circles, and participated, which spent the better part of their time together talking about the flaws of other adults who were not there. We call it gossip, not bullying. The kids were playing in the corner.....did we really think they didn't hear us making fun of others?
There is a regular columnist in our local newspaper who berates and criticizes our local schools and their administration, and the paper prints it, is she a role model for anti bullying?
We have a recent issue with our school board making decisions that parents are vehemently against (I am one) Parents gathered in two forums now to share their concerns and demand that administration change their minds.These forums have been reported on as being heated and confrontational. A facebook page is online against this decision making accusations and criticizing school administration. Is this how we want our children to handle things that they don't like in life? Are we role models against bullying?
Election campaigns are nothing but bullying, our government leaders show our children that to get what you want, you need to make other people look bad. They put it on TV during the evening when families are together. Are they role models against bullying?
From my perspective people who gossip about, make fun of or feel the need to criticize others to their face or otherwise are simply showing their insecurity and envy of others. If you are not comfortable being you or you are missing something to make you whole in life you may feel the need to bring others down with you. Why would you want others to be happy when you are not? Deal with it.
In adult circles we need to be more mindful of the example we are providing for our youth. Get help to fulfill yourself, reflect on what you need and go get it, don't try to suck others down to make yourself feel better. In teen circles we need to help those who need it to stop bullying, understand the ramifications of it, and help those who are left wounded. The wounded are also lacking in sself fulfillment or they would be better able to cope with others actions and words.
What I am telling my kids is, "treat others as you would like to be treated. You have no idea what another person has to deal with in life or a job. If you want to know, go talk to them, don't gossip about them or judge or make assumptions. Let's figure out what makes you happy to be you and go get it so that you don't feel the need to berate others and you are able to cope if someone does this to you. Two wrongs do not make a right. Respect other and communicate. Stand up for what is right."
Look in the mirror. Are you perfect? Are you doing everything right as depicted by society? I know I'm not. I live based on my values, my decisions directly reflect what is important to me. I am flawed and I spend time reflecting on my flaws in order to better myself.
How do you want people to treat you and your flaws? If I made a bad decision I don't want everyone effected attacking me or talking behind my back, I would much prefer that they talk to me, ask me my justification and if they have a better solution or approach I would love to hear it. That doesn't mean I will change because my decisions will always reflect my values, which are different than yours.
So go easy on eachother people. Not one of us is better then the other, respect that, be open, communicate, learn. Be mindful of yourself, the example you are setting and ensure you do your best, that's really all the control you have and if everyone did that this issue would change dramatically.
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