Catch 22

I picked up my prescription yesterday. It is supposed to help with physical pain primarily but also helps with anxiety.

The pharmacist explained  it to me and then the anxiety set in. One of the major side effects is SLEEPINESS! Now to most this would be a good thing, to me it is terrifying.

When I lost my brother a few years ago my doctor gave me a medication to help me sleep. I really wanted to sleep.....sooooo badly. I never took one pill!

I am scared. Not just nervous, deeply terrified.

If I sleep soundly I won't wake up WHEN the house burns. If I sleep soundly I can't protect my children. If I sleep soundly I won't know if a mouse is near my bed.

I looked at the pills lastnight and walked away. I told myself I will take one tomorrow. I know I need to take them for my health.

But I am scared.

Mike will be home over the weekend and I might be able to convince myself to take them while he is home but even then....can I trust that he will wake WHEN the house burns? He doesn't worry about it like I do even though I truly beleive he should. I have a hard time understanding how he can be so relaxed about it. I know it's irrational.....it's REAL for me!

I am TERRIFIED........and the only way to help myself right now is to take the medication that TERRIFIES me!