My response to this article: http://www.parrysound.com/news-story/4238094-school-board-settling-lawsuits/
I would like it known how disgusted I am with the article in todays paper regarding the NNDSB law suits.
This suit has been ongoing for years. The amount of money spent on defending convicted sex offenders and past selfish school board officials far outweighs the payouts for victims. It is very disturbing that our community is being offered information that may lead them to be disgruntled with survivors who are just trying to find their way through the fog of victimization.
As a young child we were victimized and made to feel guilty and dirty. Once we came out we were chastized by some people in our small community and made to feel guilty and dirty. We were forced to go on the witness stand twice in front of full court rooms and made to feel guilty and dirty. Over the years of healing we have endured we have triggers that make us feel guilty and dirty. Participating in this law suit has made us feel guilty and dirty as we have to relive every minute detail to prove ourselves. Now the very board that could have protected us so many years ago is trying to make us feel guilty and dirty. It is victimization after vicitmization for all of us. When will we become the important people in all of this?
The offenders were more important than us in the 80`s, they were more important than us at trial and in sentencing, the offenders, lawyers and school board are more important than us in the law suit process, the money trail always puts the spotlight on the wrong people. I dont want a spotlight I want justice that I have never had. I want healing that I will never get. I want to live life free of this cloud and I will never be able to. I want my emotional black hole to fill up with good things but it never will. I want my dreams to stop but I can`t erase my memory. I want to work full time in a job I love but I am not able to. I want to not feel like curling up on the couch and dying after reading stories like this but I am not able to. I want to stop reverting back into that little girl I was. This suit is so much less about money than it is about healing and justice.
I would like for our community to know that I refuse to feel one ounce of guilt for something that I have been forced to endure in my life. No amount of money is going to take it away but we are entitled to compensation and healing. Many of us are disabled due to mental issues, some financial help from the people who are responsible for our anguish is not too much to ask in my opinion. In fact, I believe that the payouts should come from the seizure of the pensions of the offenders and the specific school board officials. We are not taking money from our childrens education and the board and its lawyersshould be ashamed of this poor attempt at a guilt trip. Yet again our board puts their bottom line above victims. It seems children have always been their last consideration surrounding financial decisions and their reputation.
Barb Swartz-Biscaro (probably cant print my name)
NNDSB law suit initiator
And damn I hope they print it!
Wednesday 27 November 2013
Tuesday 19 November 2013
Pump up the Passion
Over the past month or so I have fallen into a slump. I have stopped walking, I have stopped reading my daily devotions, I am not eating much and drinking way too much alcohol in the evenings. In fact I can honestly and shamefully say that more alcohol than nutrients are going into my body right now. I am not putting on makeup or doing my hair unless I have to go to town (even then its minimal).
It wasn't until I visited work last week and talked to a few coworkers that I realized how big a slump. In speaking with one coworker I told her that I really don't care about anything anymore, just feeling dead inside. The next couple of coworkers I encountered said that I look like I am losing weight and I explained I am not eating much and drinking way too much alcohol.
Holy crap, did I just say that out loud? I knew it was true but saying it made it concrete enough that the time for change arose.
The next day I went to therapy and told her the same things. Now most people who are experiencing depression and doctors would say go with the flow, let yourself sleep, let yourself heal. That's not what I need. What I need is to stay motivated and my therapist pointed that out. Without pushing myself I am going to stay sick for a long time. Letting myself lay around is giving power to my past, it lets my pity for myself emerge and I am no longer in control. My antidepressant may be contributing to this. I need to take control. I need to make change.
One of the greatest passions in my life is my work around person centered practices. I had lost my passion for that as well. Really the only passion I was nuturing was my kids and baking. I had to reignite my work passion. I began looking at the curriculum for the 2 day Person Centered Thinking course we offer through the Learning Community for Person Centered Practices and HSA Canada. I planned to refresh myself and remember why I love it so much. I got much more than that.
Part of the training is looking at the Core Concepts of what is Important to and for a person and using different apporaches to gathering that information. We usually personalize our power point presentation to our own lives to make it more personal and show how beneficial the approaches can be. When I began looking at my power point I was amazed at how much my important to's and for's have changed. We always explain how people change and we need to keep on top of updating our knowledge about them. This happens to me all the time, it isnt until I apply it to my own life that I realize how powerful this is.
I thought about what is important to me now and important for me now, it has changed significantly.
I looked at what is working and not working for me now, it has changed significantly.
I looked at my routine which is HUGE for me and realized it has changed significantly
It emphasized for me the importance of knowing people. Not just people we support at work. We need to know our co workers, our family members, our friends, our neighbours. Knowing people enhances relationships and offers us more meaningful lives.
Action Plan
So from looking at all of this I have comitted to myself:
1. to cut alcohol out of weeknights and reduce how much I drink on weekends. I will see how that goes and if I have a hard time I will need to eliminate it completley from my life. If I need addictions treament I will do it. One step at a time, start with no alcohol during the week.
2. to force myself to walk or use my rowing machine daily
3. to catch up and continue reading my daily devotions and devote time to prayer 2 times daily
4. to eat three times a day, even small but healthy meals, junk food only in the evening
5. to put makeup on and do my hair every day not matter what
6. to reduce my couch time to one nap per day with a goal of eliminating the nap
7. to continue baking and working on crafts
8. to work on the shoebox project for Christmas and continue babysitting 2 times a week ( I am really enjoying that)
9. take one day a week to devote to household responsibilities (bills, phone calls etc.)
10. cut back my antidepressant dose and increase my lupus dose
Thats enough for now. Can I tackle it? Hopefully. It all blends into eachother so I think it's doable. If not I adjust.
But what if I were being supported by an agency or in the hospital or other facility and my life changed this much but they continued to use the same old approaches to supporting me? Life would be rough.
Some of the small things like I don't use the smae hygiene products anymore, I have changed my preferences, I added a dog to my home, I added hobbies to my life, my kids morning routine preferences have changed which changes my routine, I added babysitting to my life, my income and budget have changed big time. My life is so different in a matter of months.
Knowing people, what makes them tick, getting to the core of the onion, letting them build their own box for you to work within or throw boxes away all together it just so important.
So I`m rebuilding my passion. I am taking control, leaving the slump. Another day in a long journey.
It wasn't until I visited work last week and talked to a few coworkers that I realized how big a slump. In speaking with one coworker I told her that I really don't care about anything anymore, just feeling dead inside. The next couple of coworkers I encountered said that I look like I am losing weight and I explained I am not eating much and drinking way too much alcohol.
Holy crap, did I just say that out loud? I knew it was true but saying it made it concrete enough that the time for change arose.
The next day I went to therapy and told her the same things. Now most people who are experiencing depression and doctors would say go with the flow, let yourself sleep, let yourself heal. That's not what I need. What I need is to stay motivated and my therapist pointed that out. Without pushing myself I am going to stay sick for a long time. Letting myself lay around is giving power to my past, it lets my pity for myself emerge and I am no longer in control. My antidepressant may be contributing to this. I need to take control. I need to make change.
One of the greatest passions in my life is my work around person centered practices. I had lost my passion for that as well. Really the only passion I was nuturing was my kids and baking. I had to reignite my work passion. I began looking at the curriculum for the 2 day Person Centered Thinking course we offer through the Learning Community for Person Centered Practices and HSA Canada. I planned to refresh myself and remember why I love it so much. I got much more than that.
Part of the training is looking at the Core Concepts of what is Important to and for a person and using different apporaches to gathering that information. We usually personalize our power point presentation to our own lives to make it more personal and show how beneficial the approaches can be. When I began looking at my power point I was amazed at how much my important to's and for's have changed. We always explain how people change and we need to keep on top of updating our knowledge about them. This happens to me all the time, it isnt until I apply it to my own life that I realize how powerful this is.
I thought about what is important to me now and important for me now, it has changed significantly.
I looked at what is working and not working for me now, it has changed significantly.
I looked at my routine which is HUGE for me and realized it has changed significantly
It emphasized for me the importance of knowing people. Not just people we support at work. We need to know our co workers, our family members, our friends, our neighbours. Knowing people enhances relationships and offers us more meaningful lives.
Action Plan
So from looking at all of this I have comitted to myself:
1. to cut alcohol out of weeknights and reduce how much I drink on weekends. I will see how that goes and if I have a hard time I will need to eliminate it completley from my life. If I need addictions treament I will do it. One step at a time, start with no alcohol during the week.
2. to force myself to walk or use my rowing machine daily
3. to catch up and continue reading my daily devotions and devote time to prayer 2 times daily
4. to eat three times a day, even small but healthy meals, junk food only in the evening
5. to put makeup on and do my hair every day not matter what
6. to reduce my couch time to one nap per day with a goal of eliminating the nap
7. to continue baking and working on crafts
8. to work on the shoebox project for Christmas and continue babysitting 2 times a week ( I am really enjoying that)
9. take one day a week to devote to household responsibilities (bills, phone calls etc.)
10. cut back my antidepressant dose and increase my lupus dose
Thats enough for now. Can I tackle it? Hopefully. It all blends into eachother so I think it's doable. If not I adjust.
But what if I were being supported by an agency or in the hospital or other facility and my life changed this much but they continued to use the same old approaches to supporting me? Life would be rough.
Some of the small things like I don't use the smae hygiene products anymore, I have changed my preferences, I added a dog to my home, I added hobbies to my life, my kids morning routine preferences have changed which changes my routine, I added babysitting to my life, my income and budget have changed big time. My life is so different in a matter of months.
Knowing people, what makes them tick, getting to the core of the onion, letting them build their own box for you to work within or throw boxes away all together it just so important.
So I`m rebuilding my passion. I am taking control, leaving the slump. Another day in a long journey.
Wednesday 6 November 2013
People with addictions lie...bottom line!
In my lifetime I have known many people with addictions. Drugs, alcohol, sex, food, whatever the addiction it's all the same, they lie. They may not be liars all around but when it comes to protecting their addiction they will cheat and lie and hide in ways that you would never imagine.
People around them think its about them, they are intentionally tyring to hurt their family, lie to those who love them walk around conciously looking for ways to be devious and cruel. I used to think that too, I took it personally. I have learned that people with addictions are the most selfish people alive. They lie and its all about them, not about anyone else. Although part of it is about shame, the majority of why they hide it is to keep it from themselves. They do not want to admit to any type of addiction. They will disguise it with medical conditions, they will function well in society, they will make excuses abound to hide the truth from themselves. They will try to place negative attention on other people to avoid facing themselves. They will be adamant about not having a problem to try and convince themselves not others. Its all about them.
If they admit the addiction to themselves they are obligated to do something about it which is harder than denying it. They will have to admit to needing help to get past something that they love and do not want to get past on most levels.
These are people who may have known at one time to be wonderful, kind hearted, generous, thoughtful etc. The addiction takes that person away. It sneaks it away slowly so even the addicted person is unaware until it is too late and they have no choice but to get well or die.
That is how addictions end, one of two ways; death or treatment.
Don't take it personally, they are acting on addiction not who they really are. The addiction controls them and they do and say things that they never would have before. They hurt people around them to protect themselves, protect something their body loves more than people in their lives...their addiction.
People with addictions can be told over and over. Interventions can be undertaken. The person will most often continue with their addiction until they are ready to accept help and stop running. The best we can do is to support them, be honest with them about what we see, set limits, disable them wherever possible and wait patiently until they either get treatment or they choose to slowly die.
This whole situation with Rob Ford in Toronto is ridiculous. The media makes it out to be about the people of Toronto. Yes, his example for young children is awful; a mayor is expected to be well balanced and living as a good example. The reality is he has done his job and done well. He has functioned through his addiction. He has lied; not only because he wants to keep his job but mostly because he is not ready to admit its a problem for him. He lies to protect his addiction, not his reputation. How we feel about it is insignificant to him. He has admitted to smoking drugs but denies addiction. He knows he is addicted but chooses to ignore it and excuse it unconciously, its how he protects it. He is not ready to let go of it. Its not about the people of Toronto, its all about him. He will crash or get treatment the same as any other addicted person. Until then he will lie and try to keep his head above water.
People with addictions lie. Good people become addicted and then become start to lie. Its unconcious, something has control over them and until they see it they will lie and hurt people around them; bottom line.
I used to want to reach out to people I know are addicted and try to help them. A wise woman told me, do your best and pray for the rest. She is very right, we can only do our best to support and not enable, set limits and choose when to spend time with those people. Then we say a prayer and hope that God is with them to lead them to the best path for them. The hard part is not taking it personally but it really is not about us.
To anyone dealing with someone with an addiction, don't take it personally. To people with addictions, good luck on your journey, the hardest things to do in life are the right things, why wait another day/year to do what you already know you need to do? It takes a stronger person to face addictions and heal than to stay locked in the addiction, your family will be proud of you not ashamed. Go for it, stay alive, I dare you!
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