Feminism or Equalism?

I have recently become involved in a peer mentorship program for survivors of sexual violence. The journey to becoming a mentor includes 40 hours of training which I have been attending every Tuesday afternoon for a number of weeks.

Each week I come away with more motivation and inspiration. I have a one hour drive home from the training and always leave my radio off and think about what I have just learned.

One of the greatest pieces of learning I have found is about Feminism. I was 100% of the belief that feminists hate men and want women to control the world. I did not consider myself a feminist, in fact,  I strongly reconsidered getting involved in the program because the agency that is offering this opportunity is a feminist agency and I wasn't sure I fit with their philosophy. Well, I am glad I decided to give it a try because I learned what feminism really is.

It is about being equal. Not about burning bras in protest of men's position in the world or fighting to take away the rights of men. It is about sharing the world with men. Feminists want to have the same opportunities in the workplace, home, society as anyone else.

Men are feminists. Yes, there are men who truly believe that the world can be shared equally with women very peacefully. They even believe that women have a right to equality in the workplace, home, society. I would dare to go so far as to say that Feminists believe in equality of all humans regardless of sex, race, colour, creed or sexual orientation.

I am a feminist. Who knew?

So why is it still called feminism? I understand historically women fought very hard for the rights of women and I thank them greatly for all they did to allow me the freedoms I have today. However, I think the word feminist is misleading. I would also venture a guess that many men who are feminists would deny it because of the label and the stigma that goes with it.

Isn't it time that we move with the ages and call it what it is? EQUALISM!

Not to minimize the work of the feminist movement but to offer gratitude and show their success. We have moved, we have a long way to go, lets make it socially acceptable to be a man and fight for equality for all humans.

I am an equalist and proud of it.

Aspirations

We all have aspirations. I have started my 101 item Bucket list full of things I aspire to do.

What about who we aspire to BE?

I have just returned home from our annual HSA/Learning Community Gathering which is always so very inspirational and includes leaders and followers from various countries. We talked a lot about aspirations this year.  I have very much admired Helen Sanderson (the UK CEO of HSA) since I first got to meet her via social media. Julie Malette (HSA Canada lead) is also a woman I very much admire, not to mention many other associates. These two ladies particularly have a presence about them, a sense of strong mindfulness, a  level of conscious awareness that I covet.

Now covet is a strong word, much stronger than admire and that is a realization that I came to during this week together. Since I have known these amazing women I have aspired to BE them. I wanted to be the person who leads an international or national organization in person centred practices. I wanted to be the person who has led so many people on such inspirational journeys and introduced brilliant work to the world. I coveted their success superior to admiring their qualities.

This year it felt different. I didn't want to BE them I wanted to BE WITH them. I wanted to enjoy their presence, learn from them and share learning with them.

My journey of self awareness, mindfulness and conscious awareness continues and will never end and I recognized the movement I have made through the past year. I no longer covet what they have, I admire who they are and what they contribute to my work and personal life. I dont want to BE them. I want to BE MY BEST ME!

I aspire to be Barb Swartz-Biscaro, the best woman I can be acknowledging my faults, quirks, failures, lessons, successes and qualities along the way. The woman who does the best work she can in the areas of her interest. The woman who is the best she can be for her family. I dont need to be internationally known or respected, I need to be introspect-fully known and respected. I aspire to be ME.

It wasn't a waste of time to covet these women. I learned a lot about the qualities I want to emulate as a successful woman. I aspire to strengthen some of those same qualities to be the best me.

I can't be Helen Sanderson or Julie Malette, they already have those titles and carry them very well. I can only be Barb Swartz-Biscaro.

It is pointless to aspire to BE someone else, find the qualities you find admirable in the people you covet. Do your best to be your best YOU, that's your only choice. You were given one title in life what do you aspire to do with it?

A letter of forgiveness - to my abuser

(I would say Dear, but he's not dear to me)

James Elson Tulloch;

Today I found my purpose in life.

I thought I forgave you about a year ago; and I truly did try but I held onto hatred. Now I know that I can really let go.

I can forgive you.

I FORGIVE YOU!

Not for you, but for me. For my mental health, for my future.

You stole my childhood!

You stole my adolescence!

You stole my young adulthood!

You had a strong hand in my divorce from my children's father!

It took me about 32 years after you left my life to start to learn to not let you to control me.

Now 34 years later, YOU ARE HISTORY!

It sure has been a long road.

There will always be triggers.

There will always be reminders.

But no longer will I submit to them. No longer will I surrender to them, relent, concede, yield......YOU HAVE NO CONTROL ANY LONGER.

I  am FREE!

Today I found my life purpose! I knew I would eventually find a way to help other survivors and I have been searching.

Today I found it!

I give gratitude for your influence on my life and appreciate the direction you have given me to help other survivors.

Did you ever think I would thank you?

Me either.

I guess I should thank Karma because she is helping me help others and I no longer care what she does with you.

I am FREE and I FORGIVE YOU!