There are 3 days a year that all of my Christmas lights are on 24/7 and that starts today!
As I am puttering around my house today making final preparations I feel such spirit and joy. It makes me wonder where does that come from and why is it so powerful at Christmas. Then I realized it really is simply the human spirit. We have it all year, every day, we can't avoid it, it's within us all the time. Really it's how we choose to use it that makes Christmas more special.
The Christmas season does not have the power in itself to eliminate, anger, hatred, crime, sadness and struggle. We have to choose to eliminate those things from our days. If we did that all year would we feel this joyous every day? I think its possible.
I will encounter people and situations that would normally have the potential to anger me this Christmas but I choose not to feel it. I choose to kill them with kindness and not in a spiteful way but in the true sense that I just choose not to feel those negative emotions and treat everyone with love, respect, acceptance and joy as each and every individual deserves.
I know that Christmas spirit comes from the blessing of having Jesus born to us on that day. It comes from the feeling of being so blessed to have freedom and spirit abounding. I know that Jesus and Our Father exist because I feel the inexplicable joy that fills me. Its spiritual. Its strength can bring you to tears in joy. It strength also offers you the opportunity to feel compassion for others and maybe allow yourself that moment of sadness knowing that some are struggling this year and someday it may be you. How blessed are we to be enjoying this season? Some year we will each have a struggle or we may have had those in past years and others were there for us in mind, body and/or spirit.
This year I have been very blessed to have the resources, energy and health to help others. I need for nothing under the tree. I asked for a new robe, thats all I could think of that I needed. My Christmas wish is that everyone take the opportunity to be still and feel the spirit that fills us, use it well, spend your days blessing others, sharing joy, smiling and being friendly to everyone, even people you would not include in your life the rest of the year.
I know its not going to happen internationally but maybe a few people reading this will be inspired to choose only joy, compassion and love this year. To each of you that do I say thank you. I hope you also feel the contagiousness of it like I have been blessed to feel and make every effort possible to feel that spirit all year long. Thats my goal for 2015. To make more effort to use my human spirit wisely, not just at Christmas. Its in us all year long.
Merry Christmas everyone. Lots of love from the Swartz-Biscaro-Harry family!
Tuesday 23 December 2014
Thursday 18 December 2014
Christmas as a child!
I remember Christmases as a child.
I remember Mom baking chocolate macaroons, sugar cookies, pies and dad doing the grocery shopping once a year.
I remember sitting in my bedroom window on a Christmas Eve that seemed so solemn in my home when my dad drove in the driveway and announced to my mom that he had gotten paid and they were going to town.
I remember the next day having an exciting Christmas morning opening stockings and gifts and having a delicious meal not realizing that if he had not been paid the day before, Christmas may not have been.
I remember asking Santa for a Cabbage Patch Doll every year for about 3 years because at my school unless you had one you were not invited to the girls birthday parties, never finding it under the tree and wondering why.
I remember one year finding a lamp decorated with Cabbage Patch kid stickers, I still have the lamp.
I remember the year Santa did bring my Cabbage Patch Kid and I knew it by the shape of the box under the tree, I ran to show my parents in their bed and the look of excitement for my joy was emanating from them.
I remember going for a walk alone on Christmas day as a child and standing under a big pine tree branch and shaking the snow off of it all over my head, feeling the spirit glowing inside me.
I remember going to my Grandmas farm for Christmas, the smells, the people, the food and her tree.
I remember decorating our tree every year with my brothers and sister, the special bulbs we had, one that I am proud to put on my own tree every year.
I remember December 1st, the advent calendars came out and we wanted so bad to eat them all but mom made us wait day by day till Santa came.
I remember laying in bed Christmas Eve with my sister and giggling, unable to sleep in the excitement waiting for Santa to come, determined this year we will catch him coming down the chimney.
I remember making molasses taffy with mom and dad and braiding it hung from the nails that dad also used to hang his beaver castors when trapping.
I remember Santa visiting us at the request of Bill Kennedy one year with a whole sack of goodies, he had great glasses.
I remember the Lions Club delivering a turkey basket every year.
I remember the neighbours delivering trays of sweets to our door.
I remember the Christmas cards hung all around the archway into the kitchen.
I remember going to the ice rink that my brothers had shovelled in front of the house to skate and use our new toys.
I remember Christmas concerts with Santa's visit and going home with a brown paper bag of hard candy.
I remember family, friends, warmth, food, sparkle, joy and the overwhelming feeling that filled my heart with love and the spirit of Christmas.
I remember Christmases as a child.
I remember Mom baking chocolate macaroons, sugar cookies, pies and dad doing the grocery shopping once a year.
I remember sitting in my bedroom window on a Christmas Eve that seemed so solemn in my home when my dad drove in the driveway and announced to my mom that he had gotten paid and they were going to town.
I remember the next day having an exciting Christmas morning opening stockings and gifts and having a delicious meal not realizing that if he had not been paid the day before, Christmas may not have been.
I remember asking Santa for a Cabbage Patch Doll every year for about 3 years because at my school unless you had one you were not invited to the girls birthday parties, never finding it under the tree and wondering why.
I remember one year finding a lamp decorated with Cabbage Patch kid stickers, I still have the lamp.
I remember the year Santa did bring my Cabbage Patch Kid and I knew it by the shape of the box under the tree, I ran to show my parents in their bed and the look of excitement for my joy was emanating from them.
I remember going for a walk alone on Christmas day as a child and standing under a big pine tree branch and shaking the snow off of it all over my head, feeling the spirit glowing inside me.
I remember going to my Grandmas farm for Christmas, the smells, the people, the food and her tree.
I remember decorating our tree every year with my brothers and sister, the special bulbs we had, one that I am proud to put on my own tree every year.
I remember December 1st, the advent calendars came out and we wanted so bad to eat them all but mom made us wait day by day till Santa came.
I remember laying in bed Christmas Eve with my sister and giggling, unable to sleep in the excitement waiting for Santa to come, determined this year we will catch him coming down the chimney.
I remember making molasses taffy with mom and dad and braiding it hung from the nails that dad also used to hang his beaver castors when trapping.
I remember Santa visiting us at the request of Bill Kennedy one year with a whole sack of goodies, he had great glasses.
I remember the Lions Club delivering a turkey basket every year.
I remember the neighbours delivering trays of sweets to our door.
I remember the Christmas cards hung all around the archway into the kitchen.
I remember going to the ice rink that my brothers had shovelled in front of the house to skate and use our new toys.
I remember Christmas concerts with Santa's visit and going home with a brown paper bag of hard candy.
I remember family, friends, warmth, food, sparkle, joy and the overwhelming feeling that filled my heart with love and the spirit of Christmas.
I remember Christmases as a child.
Monday 1 December 2014
Humour in Hysterectomy
After 10 years of treatments including surgeries, prescriptions, ultrasounds, hospitalizations my gynaecologist said "You're 40, it's time" We booked the hysterectomy. I was more nervous about this procedure than I thought I would be. I have had two Caesarean section births in the last 18 years and the memories of those made me a bit skeptical. They could not do a vaginal hysterectomy because of my previous c sections so now the scar that had gotten older and more ugly also has a bit of a pouch hanging over it and it was to be sliced open again......for the third time...through the stomach muscles. I did tell the surgeon that she could feel free to tidy up the scar and tuck any fat or pouches away, basically shamefully begged her to give me a flat tummy again. Why did I wake up and actually look to see if she had done that? I can't even see the incision through the swelling, which turns out to be a bonus...who wants to see your belly stapled together?
So the big day arose, I was all packed and ready to go. Mike and I got up at 5 am to drive to Orillia in snow squalls to get there in time for my 7:30 arrival and prep for surgery. We did arrive right on time and the nurses seemed very cheerful to see me. They said "today is your lucky day, the lady ahead of you didn't show up so you are first in line for surgery this morning. We are going to get you ready quickly and get you right in!' They were all smiling. Lucky day? Thats when I realized that I need to start watching for the humour in this experience, clearly my day started with humour......strangely I did start to see the other lady's no show as luck for me.
I was quickly prepped, given a gown open at the back and robe open at the front, elf boots and a pretty hat to wear. I got to sit in a waiting room with my husband....and many other people....looking like that for a short time before they took me in to do my IV and take me to see the surgeon and anesthetist. While the nurse was going through my file and pre-op instructions she multitasked by chatting with Mike about the weather and giving him directions to places he needed to go while I was in surgery. Excuse me? Here I am, hello? I am about to be placed under anesthetic, have a machine breathe for me, have a spinal tap, frozen from the waist down, twisted into positions that nobody could do awake, have my guts sliced open and organs that make me female removed and we are worried about the weather and directions? This is what I was humorously thinking while they were chatting, I swear I was not offended, just found it humorous because we ignore all the seriousness of situations to avoid stress. When people have surgeries we talk about how to prepare and how to recover, we share what the doctor shares about the procedure and assume all will be well. On the inside, we are nervous, we are thinking the worst.
My husband kissed me before I walked into the operating area and said he would see me when I woke. We both knew we were thinking "if you wake" and I had a giggle about it on my long walk which was only about 25 steps but seemed like it was slow motion and my life was flashing before my eyes.
The surgeon came to see me and confirm what we were doing. She said "we are just going to jump in grab your uterus, left tube and ovary and close you up" Sure, just like that! I agree, consent signed.
The anesthetist explains how he will give me spinal morphine before surgery, then strap me down, give me anesthetic through IV with oxygen and then insert a breathing tube and that I will not be breathing on my own. Sure, just like that, consent signed.
I walk into the OR and they get me to sit on the bed and bend forward to do the spinal, they mark it and say slight pinch! (I have had this before so I knew better and was prepared for more than slight pinch) ZAP! right down my right leg....ELECTRICITY! I say "ouch", try again, ZAP, ELECTRICITY SAME LEG, one more time should do it, ZAP THIRD TIME NOT THE CHARM. HMMMMM he says, one more and then we abort, ZAP LEFT LEG and QUICK ZAP LEFT BUM CHEEK! There we got it! "Now that was tough to get in" He says. "If you get a spinal headache which is rare but may happen given the circumstance just let us know asap and we can fix it with an epidural" HA, if i get a spinal headache, which I have also had before I will take tylenol thanks!
They lay me down, strap me down and give me oxygen and say breathe. My last thought was here we go!
The next 2 and a half hours were spent in surgery and then an hour in recovery. I woke feeling like I needed to cough really badly and very disoriented, very dizzy, very stoned. I was in an out of sleep. I remember them saying they will grab Mike and move me to my room. Again dozing in and out, in and out, don't remember a lot of the rest of that day. I do remember the morphine drip that I got to push whenever I wanted and boy did I use it! I remember Mike watching tv and trying to get me to drink my beef broth. I felt like I had to pee but I had a catheter that drained my bladder so I didn't need to get up. Mike went home and I slept between nurses coming and checking my vitals, my urine output and giving me heparin, anti-inflammatory and tylenol. I can rate my faves, the morphine and the anti-inflammatory were the best.
The night nurse came in about the same time as my room mate. She (the room mate) was a 40 year old woman who had the same surgery as me just not through the abdomen. The night nurse started her shift by mixing us up. She did all of our vitals, meds etc and then came to tell me that in the morning we would get up and go to the bathroom to take out my catheter and remove all of my packing. I was awake enough to wonder what that meant so I asked " what packing?" she said there would be about 7 feet of packing in my private area which I thought was weird and I couldn't feel anything but assumed she knew what she was talking about and left it. Then she went to my neighbour and told her that she needed to check her incision. OK now I knew she had us mixed up. I had the incision, she had the packing. My neighbour did not catch on and let her look. The nurse quickly ran over to me and checked my belly and then went on about an hour of fixing paperwork and files to fix her mistake. Good thing we had basically the same treatments and meds. She made sure to check our arm bands after that. And I truly think she thought I was dozen enough to not notice and I didn't mention anything. Could have been disastrous but was kind of funny watching her run around acting like nothing happened. When it was time for my anti-inflammatory she brought it in oral form and I asked her to change it to suppository so it wouldn't be hard on my tummy and work faster. She reluctantly agreed and came back 2.5 hrs later with it when I couldn't stand the pressure anymore. Needless to say I was happy to see my morning nurse come back.
The first thing the morning nurse asks is "have you passed gas?" See if you pass gas you get a regular diet. I had not but i fibbed and got a regular diet anyway because I knew it was coming, it had been rolling around all night. She got me up to take out my catheter and sure enough the gas starts moving. I don't remember farting ever feeling so darn good in my life. Once it started it didn't want to stop, in fact it still doesn't want to stop. They pump you full of gas in surgery so it has to come out somehow. This was actually the funniest part, see Mike and I have had an anti fart in bed agreement since we met. We just don't fart in bed together. Yes we actually get up and leave the room or wait until the other has left the room and hope it isn't noticeable when they return. Well, all bets are off now. I warned him right off the hop when he arrived on Saturday in my room. "I can't get up to fart elsewhere quickly and its a bit of a chore to get it out without using stomach muscles so I just have to let it go when I have the chance....that includes in bed" He just giggled with complete ignorance to how much gas there is to be removed. Lets just say I shocked him. He was high fiving me like he would his buddies in the locker room. It also broke the proverbial ice and he found it a freebie for him to blast me in bed too! Oh well, now that the 10 yr seal is broken!
When the doctor came in and discharged me we were happy to go home. The nurse came in and offered pain meds before I left and again I asked for the suppository that was due. As she was giving it to me I giggled and thought if I ever have surgery again I am going to add that to a one page profile under how to support me - i prefer to get pain meds through suppository! Who would think in your every day life that you would ever say something like that?
Mike also has never had a major surgery so is asking lots of questions about how to help etc. He has been fantastic. When I said I would be sleeping on the couch he was not happy, he offered to help me to bed and make sure I was comfortable so I agreed assuming he would be very careful of not bumping me. Well, the first thing he did once I was all settled was to jump into bed, flop around and try to intertwine our feet and pull me to lay on his shoulder like we usually do. NOT HAPPENING! Maybe next weekend, but this weekend, one day after surgery, NOT! He didn't understand why. I explained "You know that song about the toe bone connected to the foot bone and the foot bone connected to the heel bone and the heel bone eventually connected to the hip and pelvic bones?' "Well my toe bones are connected to my pelvic bones and stomach muscles which are really not easily moved right now" Then he understood why I suggested sleeping on the couch but still wanted me to stay so I did but it was a rough night. Tonight he is back to work so sleeping will me much more comfortable.
Each day is better, moving around more. As my dad says they took my baby carriage but left the play pen. Now the play pen is out of order for 6 weeks but it still exists. I have loads of gas and fluid filling my abdomen so I can't see the incision without pulling it.....BONUS! I have kids who are doing the laundry and wood stove and cooking while Mike is away. And I have lots of family and friends that I can call on if I need anything.
So through all of that, the slight risks, the nervousness and fear, the giggles and unspoken goodbyes I, just like any other woman who has done this, am on the road to recovery and before I know it the surgery will be a memory. A memory that will leave me needing to work harder on stomach exercises.
Life is good!
So the big day arose, I was all packed and ready to go. Mike and I got up at 5 am to drive to Orillia in snow squalls to get there in time for my 7:30 arrival and prep for surgery. We did arrive right on time and the nurses seemed very cheerful to see me. They said "today is your lucky day, the lady ahead of you didn't show up so you are first in line for surgery this morning. We are going to get you ready quickly and get you right in!' They were all smiling. Lucky day? Thats when I realized that I need to start watching for the humour in this experience, clearly my day started with humour......strangely I did start to see the other lady's no show as luck for me.
I was quickly prepped, given a gown open at the back and robe open at the front, elf boots and a pretty hat to wear. I got to sit in a waiting room with my husband....and many other people....looking like that for a short time before they took me in to do my IV and take me to see the surgeon and anesthetist. While the nurse was going through my file and pre-op instructions she multitasked by chatting with Mike about the weather and giving him directions to places he needed to go while I was in surgery. Excuse me? Here I am, hello? I am about to be placed under anesthetic, have a machine breathe for me, have a spinal tap, frozen from the waist down, twisted into positions that nobody could do awake, have my guts sliced open and organs that make me female removed and we are worried about the weather and directions? This is what I was humorously thinking while they were chatting, I swear I was not offended, just found it humorous because we ignore all the seriousness of situations to avoid stress. When people have surgeries we talk about how to prepare and how to recover, we share what the doctor shares about the procedure and assume all will be well. On the inside, we are nervous, we are thinking the worst.
My husband kissed me before I walked into the operating area and said he would see me when I woke. We both knew we were thinking "if you wake" and I had a giggle about it on my long walk which was only about 25 steps but seemed like it was slow motion and my life was flashing before my eyes.
The surgeon came to see me and confirm what we were doing. She said "we are just going to jump in grab your uterus, left tube and ovary and close you up" Sure, just like that! I agree, consent signed.
The anesthetist explains how he will give me spinal morphine before surgery, then strap me down, give me anesthetic through IV with oxygen and then insert a breathing tube and that I will not be breathing on my own. Sure, just like that, consent signed.
I walk into the OR and they get me to sit on the bed and bend forward to do the spinal, they mark it and say slight pinch! (I have had this before so I knew better and was prepared for more than slight pinch) ZAP! right down my right leg....ELECTRICITY! I say "ouch", try again, ZAP, ELECTRICITY SAME LEG, one more time should do it, ZAP THIRD TIME NOT THE CHARM. HMMMMM he says, one more and then we abort, ZAP LEFT LEG and QUICK ZAP LEFT BUM CHEEK! There we got it! "Now that was tough to get in" He says. "If you get a spinal headache which is rare but may happen given the circumstance just let us know asap and we can fix it with an epidural" HA, if i get a spinal headache, which I have also had before I will take tylenol thanks!
They lay me down, strap me down and give me oxygen and say breathe. My last thought was here we go!
The next 2 and a half hours were spent in surgery and then an hour in recovery. I woke feeling like I needed to cough really badly and very disoriented, very dizzy, very stoned. I was in an out of sleep. I remember them saying they will grab Mike and move me to my room. Again dozing in and out, in and out, don't remember a lot of the rest of that day. I do remember the morphine drip that I got to push whenever I wanted and boy did I use it! I remember Mike watching tv and trying to get me to drink my beef broth. I felt like I had to pee but I had a catheter that drained my bladder so I didn't need to get up. Mike went home and I slept between nurses coming and checking my vitals, my urine output and giving me heparin, anti-inflammatory and tylenol. I can rate my faves, the morphine and the anti-inflammatory were the best.
The night nurse came in about the same time as my room mate. She (the room mate) was a 40 year old woman who had the same surgery as me just not through the abdomen. The night nurse started her shift by mixing us up. She did all of our vitals, meds etc and then came to tell me that in the morning we would get up and go to the bathroom to take out my catheter and remove all of my packing. I was awake enough to wonder what that meant so I asked " what packing?" she said there would be about 7 feet of packing in my private area which I thought was weird and I couldn't feel anything but assumed she knew what she was talking about and left it. Then she went to my neighbour and told her that she needed to check her incision. OK now I knew she had us mixed up. I had the incision, she had the packing. My neighbour did not catch on and let her look. The nurse quickly ran over to me and checked my belly and then went on about an hour of fixing paperwork and files to fix her mistake. Good thing we had basically the same treatments and meds. She made sure to check our arm bands after that. And I truly think she thought I was dozen enough to not notice and I didn't mention anything. Could have been disastrous but was kind of funny watching her run around acting like nothing happened. When it was time for my anti-inflammatory she brought it in oral form and I asked her to change it to suppository so it wouldn't be hard on my tummy and work faster. She reluctantly agreed and came back 2.5 hrs later with it when I couldn't stand the pressure anymore. Needless to say I was happy to see my morning nurse come back.
The first thing the morning nurse asks is "have you passed gas?" See if you pass gas you get a regular diet. I had not but i fibbed and got a regular diet anyway because I knew it was coming, it had been rolling around all night. She got me up to take out my catheter and sure enough the gas starts moving. I don't remember farting ever feeling so darn good in my life. Once it started it didn't want to stop, in fact it still doesn't want to stop. They pump you full of gas in surgery so it has to come out somehow. This was actually the funniest part, see Mike and I have had an anti fart in bed agreement since we met. We just don't fart in bed together. Yes we actually get up and leave the room or wait until the other has left the room and hope it isn't noticeable when they return. Well, all bets are off now. I warned him right off the hop when he arrived on Saturday in my room. "I can't get up to fart elsewhere quickly and its a bit of a chore to get it out without using stomach muscles so I just have to let it go when I have the chance....that includes in bed" He just giggled with complete ignorance to how much gas there is to be removed. Lets just say I shocked him. He was high fiving me like he would his buddies in the locker room. It also broke the proverbial ice and he found it a freebie for him to blast me in bed too! Oh well, now that the 10 yr seal is broken!
When the doctor came in and discharged me we were happy to go home. The nurse came in and offered pain meds before I left and again I asked for the suppository that was due. As she was giving it to me I giggled and thought if I ever have surgery again I am going to add that to a one page profile under how to support me - i prefer to get pain meds through suppository! Who would think in your every day life that you would ever say something like that?
Mike also has never had a major surgery so is asking lots of questions about how to help etc. He has been fantastic. When I said I would be sleeping on the couch he was not happy, he offered to help me to bed and make sure I was comfortable so I agreed assuming he would be very careful of not bumping me. Well, the first thing he did once I was all settled was to jump into bed, flop around and try to intertwine our feet and pull me to lay on his shoulder like we usually do. NOT HAPPENING! Maybe next weekend, but this weekend, one day after surgery, NOT! He didn't understand why. I explained "You know that song about the toe bone connected to the foot bone and the foot bone connected to the heel bone and the heel bone eventually connected to the hip and pelvic bones?' "Well my toe bones are connected to my pelvic bones and stomach muscles which are really not easily moved right now" Then he understood why I suggested sleeping on the couch but still wanted me to stay so I did but it was a rough night. Tonight he is back to work so sleeping will me much more comfortable.
Each day is better, moving around more. As my dad says they took my baby carriage but left the play pen. Now the play pen is out of order for 6 weeks but it still exists. I have loads of gas and fluid filling my abdomen so I can't see the incision without pulling it.....BONUS! I have kids who are doing the laundry and wood stove and cooking while Mike is away. And I have lots of family and friends that I can call on if I need anything.
So through all of that, the slight risks, the nervousness and fear, the giggles and unspoken goodbyes I, just like any other woman who has done this, am on the road to recovery and before I know it the surgery will be a memory. A memory that will leave me needing to work harder on stomach exercises.
Life is good!
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