Being mom!

Something I have always taken for granted MY MOM! I assume that she will always just be here as she always has been. When I call she answers, when I ask for something from her she always provides it. Being my mom (and my siblings mom of course) has been her job for over 40 years and I have never really, fully and truly appreciated her presence, just depended on it.

This week was the first time I have ever seen her dependent on us. She had an emergency appendectomy on Friday night.

I called her on Friday assuming she would answer the phone and my dad told me she had gone to emergency with abdominal pain. My sister had taken her in so I talked to my sister and went in that evening to let her go home for a while.

As I sat with mom for 6 hours in a small room we had conversation but most of the time she was in and out of sleep.

I just sat in her room, she kept telling me to go home and I refused. I just sat in that chair and wondered what would happen next. The doctor came in and told us she needed surgery to remove her appendix and it would be happening that night. So I waited. It was a number of hours before the surgery would happen.

As she drifted in and out of sleep I had a lot of quiet time to think about who she really is. I watched her sleep and looked at her body as she lie on the stretcher.

I thought "My life began in that body", "she was a young mom just like me one day with high hopes of raising a wonderful family", "her feet, hands, arms, face have aged; not much, but they have", "she wears glasses now, she never used to", "as a woman she lived through all the stages that I have lived and have yet to live", "she's never the sick one, she is always taking care of us", "WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT HER?"

These were mostly peaceful yet sometimes scary moments, hours. She finally went into surgery about  7 hours after I got there. My dad, sister, daughter and nephew were all there also by this time. I kissed her before they wheeled her away; and thought "I never kiss her and very rarely say I love you". She said she would see me in the morning, assuming that I would be gone home before she got out. I planned on taking her advice, tried to leave the hospital but it was after hours and I couldn't find my way out. I took it as an omen that I should stay.

I was at the surgery doors when she was wheeled out to her room; we all were. We talked to the surgeon and went home to rest.

I didn't get much rest. I knew she was fine and would be home soon but my mind wouldn't leave the thought "WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT HER?"

I cherish the moments I had with her that evening. When I visited her the next day she mentioned that she was happy we all stayed until the surgery was over. Telling me to go home was another of her attempts to take care of me, not her; she really wanted us to stay. I guess it was an omen; I was there for her for once.

I guess those days will come more and more as time marches on. I am thankful that I had this opportunity to watch her sleep and think about how amazing being mom is. I see her more as human now, a woman who has needs the same as I do and I intend to treat her that way. I hope I can give her as much as she has given me.