Lessons from a lawsuit

It's time I write this blog post. I have been putting it off forever but I think it is important to share.

I started a law suit against the Near North District School Board and James Elson Tulloch about 7 years ago related to sexual abuse from Kindergarten to Grade 3; as some may have read in my earliest posts. Quick summary, James Tulloch was the principal who perpetrated the abuse and the the school board dismissed allegations essentially allowing it to continue. These are not assumptions or unsubstantiated allegations, they are fact as proven in court and through a paperwork trail.

Basically I have just spent my life seeking therapy in various forms without even realizing it and the lawsuit was yet another attempt at therapy and closure. Little did I know it would take me on the ride of a lifetime. This is what I learned in the process.

When I first initiated the suit I was determined that it would bring awareness to the issue of child sexual abuse in schools and other places where highly respected people are protected at the loss of the children. Sure I wanted compensation, but the main purpose for me was to make a mark. The lawyer I spoke with was very compassionate and encouraging. He assured met that he would work hard to help me achieve my purpose. He cared, he empathized, he called often with great interest. He sent me a letter of retainer in which I basically agreed to follow through with the law suit and pay the legal team a percentage. If I were to back out of the suit I would have to pay out of pocket for any expenses incurred to that point. Thats where the phone calls, interest, empathy, caring and quest for awareness stopped. He actually then turned my case over to a junior lawyer and I never heard from him again. The junior lawyer did show caring and compassion, however he was simply doing his job also. Neither of them were in it because they cared about me, they were in it for the payday. Maybe thats why people think law suits are all about the payday, because for the lawyers, that's really what it is. His job was not to care about me just win the case. In order to win the biggest payout I needed to be in dire straights. I basically needed to be suicidal, lay in bed all day and not be able to function at any level in my own life. That was not going to happen. I was not going to fake the effects of the abuse to make more money. I was honest about my health, I went in cycles up and down and all around but was always honest. My cycles were not always pleasing to my legal team, especially when I was feeling good, but this wasn't about them was it? It was about me and my morals dictate that I am honest and I cherish that about myself and would not compromise it for the sake of more money.

Lessons:

1. Don't expect a lawyer to do anything but their job, their job is to win the case at all costs and obtain the highest pay out possible for their own pocket, not yours.

2. healing is not recommended by the legal team, they want you as ill as possible and are very happy if you fake it

3. the process is designed to break you down, don't give in

4. the process is offender friendly, just like the justice system, victims are revictimized even after convictions

5. victims are under the microscope, having to prove the effects they have suffered

6. one Hell of a healing process if you do the work

7. victims have the life sentence

8. defense counsel will draw out all negative past events to try and prove your effects come from another event, don't let it phase you, stand tall in the truth

9. SURPRISE - the system is flawed! In order to get the largest settlement you have to have catastrophic physical injuries. In other words in Canada you need to be a quadrapeligic or worse to get the full possible amount in each category of income loss, future medical needs, pain and suffering etc. Let me tell you - Mental health and the torture your own brain puts you through no matter the physical injury is so much worse in all cases. I know a young woman who suffered a catastrophic injury and feels that the physical effects are much easier to deal with than the mental, my late brother had serious physical injuries many times in his short life and his battle with his brain was the worst of his struggles until his death.

I did receive a settlement. I am under a confidentiality agreement to not share the amount however I can say that I did receive it and it was helpful. Here's how I made the decision to settle.

I had gone through a Discovery interview for a full day, a psychological evaluation in London, ON for a full day followed by a full day of mediation with lawyers and a mediator. At mediation the defence would not admit responsibility on the part of Jim Tulloch or the school board. They could have offered me millions upon millions that day and I would have walked away, I wanted to hear that they both accepted responsibility, that was part of what I needed for closure. So needless to say I did not settle at mediation, I left them with a number that was reasonable in my mind and walked away. They told me it was against my better judgement to walk away and threatened that if we went to trial they would drudge up my brothers death and childhood experiences. I said "Bring it on"! Now I had to go on to another psychological evaluation by a Psychiatrist hired by the defence, essentially to try and dispute the first evaluations findings and talk me down. No surprise, that evaluation had the same findings as my first one which was not helpful to the defence in any way. Jim Tulloch and the school board then had to go on to have their Discovery day long interview at which time they both admitted responsibility for their actions......A HUGE WEIGHT LIFTED FOR ME! There was still the dollar amount to settle. Another mediation day was set and I spent many months pondering my attendance. I decided that I would refuse to attend. My lawyer advised me against it, but my gut said it was the right thing to do. I wasn't compromising anymore than I already had and by showing up at mediation #2 I would be saying that I am willing to compromise. I didn't go. They did however, discuss my case that day and call me with an offer. My answer to my lawyer was this:

" I have come to a conclusion in my mind, body and soul as to what will bring the closure that I need to this situation. The amount I left the defence with will help me to be debt free and therefore reduce financial stresses which will support my mental health, I feel I deserve that at the bare minimum. If they will not pay that then we go to trial and I set precedence for future cases like this in Canada. No matter what amount I get at trial at least I have made a difference for others. That's my bottom line and I am not budging"

He said he would take that back to the legal team and would be in contact about a trial date. I was disappointed but surprisingly very content with my decision. I knew it was the right decision.

And then the phone rang, my lawyer was on the line again and stated that he just wanted to go over one other thing....."They agreed to give you what you asked for"! "Congratulations for standing your ground, we have never seen this happen before. They clearly knew you were strong and not backing down."

Tears, tears, tears, thank you, thank you, thank you Lord. It's over. It would be 30 days before I would get a cheque in the mail and it became real.

Once it was real Mike and I got to decide what to do with it. I put a deck on my house first so I can relax in my backyard, the most beautiful place in the world to me. Then we paid off our mortgage, line of credit and any other small debt we had. We were able to put some away for my kids education as that was a really important piece for me, that they had access to a good education. Most of the rest is invested for retirement minus a small amount I kept with the intentions of giving Mike's 4 kids each a small amount. He asked me not to do that for his own reasons and so I respected that even though I may not have agreed with it. So that small amount still is stuffed away for a rainy day, maybe someday to help them if they need it.

As you see the lessons last much longer than the money. Over these very long years I have learned so much about myself and healed so much more than I ever expected I would. I remember once seeing a quote by Theo Fleury saying that healing is possible, I emailed him and told him he was full of doggy do do! I didn't believe it. I went and saw him speak last Fall and as I listened I thought about how wrong I was, there really is healing to be found and we all do it our own way. For me this long drawn out law suit was the ticket and certainly not the lottery ticket. I achieved my goal, I am bringing awareness about this issue to others through my speaking engagements, I found therapy that works, and I made a difference for a number of women who may never have been involved in this lawsuit had I not initiated it.

I now have a very comfortable life and will work until I can retire at 67 with a soul filled with joy, love and gratefulness.