The experience of death is surreal. Often difficult to accept and understand yet we all know it is the inevitable end to our existence. Why are we so afraid to talk about it? Are we afraid that if we share our wishes it will happen sooner? Is it just too emotional a conversation to have and show our vulnerability?
The experience can be sudden or expected, that's about the only two ways it comes. If its expected we have some time to have conversation and ensure a quality end of life. But when it is sudden, especially for young people, how do their loved ones know what they would want if they have never thought or talked about it? And do we really have quality conversations when it is expected so that we can truly honour peoples wishes?
I think part of living an EPIC life is living today, expressing our true passions and wishes. Talking about our inevitable end. It is also about ensuring that you live the life you want, make stuff happen because we just don't know when the end will arrive. When we now they end is coming we need our loved ones to listen to us and honour our wishes. I can bet living in a long term care facility isn't on the top of the wish list for most people yet we have a huge wait list in Ontario. What if we started having these conversations and creating natural support networks around people so they can stay in their homes? What if our province used more of the available resources to support in home care where necessary and requested. What if people just don't know how to build these services and networks and feel like a facility is the only option?
I have witnessed death personally twice in my life. One in hospital, one at home. The in hospital was a young person who had been in a car accident and required intensive medical care to remain alive for the 7 months he lived following his accident. His care was awesome and as personal as it could get because of family advocacy and kind medical staff. It still wasn't what the person would have chosen. And those conversations were never had before his sudden departure from the conscious world. In the end it didn't feel 100% right that he died in hospital, in hindsight when doctors said there were only hours left he probably would have preferred to be taken home and rested peacefully on his couch. What would it hurt, he only had hours?
The in home death I witnessed was much more peaceful. It was an elderly person who had been given weeks to live and had requested no further medical interventions, hospitals, or hospice and wanted a "do not resuscitate" order on her file. Her family respected this and came together to provide care in her home in her final hours. She passed peacefully in her own bed with her family around her. Her children took turns sleeping with her, her favourite tv shows were on her tv all day. Her passing was beautiful.....difficult but about as beautiful as it can get.
Recently I read an obituary that was written by the person who died while awaiting the inevitable. It was a beautiful piece that expressed his true appreciation for the life he had. How will people know how we felt about life if we never tell them? Why do we wait until people are gone to celebrate their existence? What do you want in the end? What if you don't tell anyone? Life is about personal choices, so is death.....these conversations need to happen to ensure we are honoured as we want to be.
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