Parents of adult children with addiction illnesses - this is for you!

I was asked by a friend yesterday for advice in dealing with her adult child who she has been supporting to get healthy enough to access rehabilitation for addiction illness. This is not the first time she has done this, she has stood by him but not enabled him for much of his adult life. As she is facing this again and doing a wonderful job of supporting him she was also frustrated with some of the mundane parent/child relationship issues that we all have. Manners, ignoring direction etc.

After a long night of thinking this is what I came up with and sent her. I think it applies to all parents living in this situation, forgive yourselves for whatever blame you are taking on, this is about your child - not you.

1. Trade expectation for appreciation, 2. Remember he has been living a toxic life for so long he probably doesn't know how to be "socially acceptable" and he is now in a healing environment and will need to experience that for a while before he can be comfortable with living in a supportive environment. 3. his accomplishment may not be huge or worthy of the typical proud parent praise but it has been really hard to get where he is and that is an accomplishment, praise him every time you have a chance. 4. Love him unconditionally but don't break your own rules. 5. be firm but supportive, encourage and remind him that his hard work is getting him to what is important to him. 6. let him be angry, let him freak out, it may feel disrespectful but its how he is coping and someday he will apologize for it if he continues to get better. 7. Pat yourself on the back for being there for him, being an awesome parent and give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions you have as well, take "me time". 8. Do your best and pray for the rest, if he doesn't stay on the path to sobriety feel comforted in knowing you have done the best you can. I love you!